Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • Physics professor explains the heat death of the universe in terms of cold, soggy Rev Noodle • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning • Broadway to begin recruiting directly from Greek Sing auditions • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Two women argue about twins, King Solomon demands both be cut in half • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Reviewing Cathleen, Adam, their real estate business, their “bless this mess” wooden sign, and their three sons Craig, Creg, and Craigë • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Rest in Peace Buddy • I met Santa Claus, she's black • Student Government shutdown looms as Senate fails to ratify budget • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • EMS attempts to tackle STDs, declares immediate victory • Creator of Bradford pear tree amongst first to be killed on invention of time travel • Ethics Student a little too aroused by South African history • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • "I hate campus dining" says student eating third Hunan meal of day • Tenth dentist speaks out • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • New fraternity party house indistinguishable from background to ISIS execution video • Dedicated Gender Studies student finds clitoris, loses track of penis • Biology department recommends students engineer another pandemic for finals reprieve, extra credit offered • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • Physics professor explains the heat death of the universe in terms of cold, soggy Rev Noodle • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning. • Broadway to begin recruiting directly from Greek Sing auditions • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Two women argue about twins, King Solomon demands both be cut in half. • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid. • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Reviewing Cathleen, Adam, their real estate business, their “bless this mess” wooden sign, and their three sons Craig, Creg, and Craigë. • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Rest in Peace Buddy • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • Student Government shutdown looms as Senate fails to ratify budget • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • EMS attempts to tackle STDs, declares immediate victory • Creator of Bradford pear tree amongst first to be killed on invention of time travel. • Ethics Student a little too aroused by South African history. • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay. • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • "I hate campus dining" says student eating third Hunan meal of day • Tenth dentist speaks out • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • New fraternity party house indistinguishable from background to ISIS execution video • Dedicated Gender Studies student finds clitoris, loses track of penis • Biology department recommends students engineer another pandemic for finals reprieve, extra credit offered
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With the completion of the new Highmark Center for Wellness, CMU has successfully wrapped up yet another construction project. Needing a new project to collect alumni donations, CMU turns to their freshman housing. Hopeful Donner residents prayed that CMU would finally announce the destruction of Donner, however, this Monday CMU …