Scotty Survivor participants go full Lord of the Flies. Show banned in three states and also Khazakhstan • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Deer given proper therapy and antidepressants significantly less likely to freeze in front of cars • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • How to send more risqué texts to your 9th grade biology teacher • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • CMU student signs up for Qatar course by mistake, forced to commute 14,000 miles/day • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • "Sorry guys, I'm actually dead this time." Elvis, 1979 • Nudist Revolution on Campus, 30% of campus disrobes • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • Scotty Survivor participants go full Lord of the Flies. Show banned in three states and also Khazakhstan • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning. • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Deer given proper therapy and antidepressants significantly less likely to freeze in front of cars. • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • How to send more risqué texts to your 9th grade biology teacher • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • CMU student signs up for Qatar course by mistake, forced to commute 14,000 miles/day • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • "Sorry guys, I'm actually dead this time." Elvis, 1979. • Nudist Revolution on Campus, 30% of campus disrobes • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children.
In a landslide victory, George Michael has successfully secured his victory in the 2024 Presidential Election. This marks the first time a third-party candidate has ever won a presidential election in United States History. Michael is also the first animal to reach the position of Commander in Chief since Garfield’s …
![Recruiting poster with an Uncle Sam with Farnam Jahanian's face. It says "I want YOU for README. Nearest recruiting station: [outdated pitch meeting location]. By: the CMU KGB"](/media/vol2/issue0/images/iwantu_sNuOHHP.png)
