Person who said "Wow, that was easy" after exam stoned to death • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • Yet another Tepper startup discovered to be overly complex Ponzi Scheme • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • American Study-Abroad Program expands school shootings worldwide • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030 • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot • Paddington 2 makes Citizen Kane look like Paddington 1 • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • CMU linguistics department finishes 70 year project to translate ancient Egyptian porno • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • "My Cute Next-Door Neighbor Believes in WHAT?": Quirky new meet-cute sitcom coming this summer • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • RA finds Olympic torch during room check • Investors in shambles as numbers aren't going up • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science • NO EXCEPTIONS. CMU to enforce dismount zones for students in wheelchairs • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay • How to send more risqué texts to your 9th grade biology teacher • Heart in Work now considered dangerous conditions, scientists aghast • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Carnegie Mellon police to be given tank to deal with unruly freshmen • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • Statue of Liberty deported • Mom if I find the afikomen can I have my turn on the space laser • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Tragedy kills $400,000 worth of tuition • CMU students need better fashion sense than red CMU hoodies Report • Person who said "Wow, that was easy" after exam stoned to death • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • Yet another Tepper startup discovered to be overly complex Ponzi Scheme • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • American Study-Abroad Program expands school shootings worldwide. • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030. • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot. • Paddington 2 makes Citizen Kane look like Paddington 1. • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • CMU linguistics department finishes 70 year project to translate ancient Egyptian porno • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • "My Cute Next-Door Neighbor Believes in WHAT?": Quirky new meet-cute sitcom coming this summer. • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • RA finds Olympic torch during room check • Investors in shambles as numbers aren't going up. • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science. • NO EXCEPTIONS. CMU to enforce dismount zones for students in wheelchairs. • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay. • How to send more risqué texts to your 9th grade biology teacher • Heart in Work now considered dangerous conditions, scientists aghast • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Carnegie Mellon police to be given tank to deal with unruly freshmen. • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • Statue of Liberty deported. • Mom if I find the afikomen can I have my turn on the space laser. • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show. • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Tragedy kills $400,000 worth of tuition. • CMU students need better fashion sense than red CMU hoodies Report
As we all know, CMU has a long history of inventing new traditions, setting itself apart from all other universities in the observable universe. From buggy racing, to releasing starving Scottish Terriers after hiding students covered in peanut butter, to painting the fence, the Harvard of Appalachia has a wealth …
