Readme Wins Gold

OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • Duct tape, gags and other gifts for your conservative relatives • Tartan slanders innocent billionaire, more at 11 • REPORT: Carnegie Mellon students so afraid of the sun they only go outside during eclipse • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science • 98­304 "How to get through red tape" StuCo finally confirmed after years long bureaucratic battle with CMU • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Physics department studies aerodynamics of unpopular physics professor • "I'm still alive guys," Elvis, 1978 • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • What you need to know about the upcoming resting bitch face competition • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Linguists invent new slur for couples • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Elves join UAW Local 1701 • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is) • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • POLLS: President May Be Elected • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • King Charles III to consider castling • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Person who said "Wow, that was easy" after exam stoned to death • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • Duct tape, gags and other gifts for your conservative relatives. • Tartan slanders innocent billionaire, more at 11. • REPORT: Carnegie Mellon students so afraid of the sun they only go outside during eclipse • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science. • 98­304 "How to get through red tape" StuCo finally confirmed after years long bureaucratic battle with CMU • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics. • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Physics department studies aerodynamics of unpopular physics professor • "I'm still alive guys," Elvis, 1978 • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • What you need to know about the upcoming resting bitch face competition • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Linguists invent new slur for couples. • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Elves join UAW Local 1701. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is). • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • POLLS: President May Be Elected • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • King Charles III to consider castling • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Person who said "Wow, that was easy" after exam stoned to death