Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • ... and it's the ugly 30% • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Campus activist group disappointed after navigating bureaucratic hurdles to register protest only for less than 25 people to show up • Transphobes: It's still Constantinople • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • Confidential: Exam answers revealed to student in Hunan noodles • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • Hero cop reads corpse Miranda rights • Entropy sold out on caffeneited drinks, caffeine tablets, coffeeflavored chocolate, and methamphetamine • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • ... and it's the ugly 30% • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Campus activist group disappointed after navigating bureaucratic hurdles to register protest only for less than 25 people to show up. • Transphobes: It's still Constantinople • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot. • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • Confidential: Exam answers revealed to student in Hunan noodles • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • Hero cop reads corpse Miranda rights. • Entropy sold out on caffeneited drinks, caffeine tablets, coffeeflavored chocolate, and methamphetamine • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you!