I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Tragedy kills $400,000 worth of tuition • Booth chair discovers that "scissor lift violation" isn't a sex thing • C@CMU: CMU's cultural touchstone • CMU students need better fashion sense than red CMU hoodies Report • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • The best clubs to join where you can get people to do your homework for you • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • Sweepstakes Chair bans buggy-driving amputees, claiming they have competitive advantage • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • November 4th is coming up and it's giving me an election • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • American Study-Abroad Program expands school shootings worldwide • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Physics professor explains the heat death of the universe in terms of cold, soggy Rev Noodle • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • SCS opens research problem into computational complexity of hitting N birds with 1 stone • Gelt still more real than crypto • Worst kid in your Hebrew class insists on making Purim play a musical • Kanye up to something • Mrs. Claus revealed to actually be Amy Schumer • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Athletes warm up by walking both ways uphill through Pittsburgh • Child tries to separate parents to get two Christmases • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • All of Science wrong. Oops • Steam tunnels condense into water tunnels • Hero cop reads corpse Miranda rights • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame. • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Tragedy kills $400,000 worth of tuition. • Booth chair discovers that "scissor lift violation" isn't a sex thing • C@CMU: CMU's cultural touchstone • CMU students need better fashion sense than red CMU hoodies Report • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • The best clubs to join where you can get people to do your homework for you. • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • Sweepstakes Chair bans buggy-driving amputees, claiming they have competitive advantage • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • November 4th is coming up and it's giving me an election. • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • American Study-Abroad Program expands school shootings worldwide. • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Physics professor explains the heat death of the universe in terms of cold, soggy Rev Noodle • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • SCS opens research problem into computational complexity of hitting N birds with 1 stone • Gelt still more real than crypto. • Worst kid in your Hebrew class insists on making Purim play a musical • Kanye up to something • Mrs. Claus revealed to actually be Amy Schumer • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Athletes warm up by walking both ways uphill through Pittsburgh • Child tries to separate parents to get two Christmases • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • All of Science wrong. Oops. • Steam tunnels condense into water tunnels • Hero cop reads corpse Miranda rights.
!["New study abroad program announced: Hell. Contact your advisor to apply today!" [image of Farnam Jahanian shaking hands with the devil, surrounded by flames] "*Tepper stuents will receive priority"](/media/vol2/issue7/images/studyAbroadHell_E8iR39q.png)
