Vol 1, Issue 1: the issue in which readme gets off of double secret probation
Rejected Headlines
- Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas
- Year 84 of nobody named Oscar winning an Oscar
- I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too!
- Canadians finally get a Stanley Cup, NHL officials aghast
- Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association
- Scandal as Kermit found in saucy Peppa pics, Ms Piggy exclusive interview!
- 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you!
- The Underground meets newest competitor, the Aboveceiling
- Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations
- School of Drama declares succession from Carnegie Mellon, relocating to a place with "fewer nerds"
- Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike
All this and more, not in this issue!
The secret dark reality of ChatGPT
Much to the dismay of educators around the globe, the popularity of Artificial Intelligence, or AI, has exploded over the past year. Millions of prompts are sent every day to OpenAI’s groundbreaking chatbot ChatGPT. Carnegie Mellon’s students in particular have quickly latched on to this new way to avoid their …
...readme returns!
Hello! We're readme, a reÂestablished studentÂ-run satire magazine at the one and only Carnegie Mellon University! We were originally founded in 1992, when Jim McDougal, Terry Former, Elle Forest, and that Scooter "Skip" Hoodwinkle decided to meet in the deep recesses of the Doherty A level and think up …
...A Psychosocial Approach to Game-Theoretic Analysis of Rock Paper Scissors
1. Introduction
Rock paper scissors, also known as scissors paper rock, and rarely ever referred to as paper rock scissors, is a game typically played between two people, where one match of rock paper scissors (RPS) consists of both players throwing out a hand gesture at the same time after …
...Carnegie Crime Report
README prides itself on informing the students of Carnegie Mellon on local news and major events. Due to a large influx in crime on and near campus, README is publishing the details of several crimes so students know what to look out for. Safety is README’s top priority as an …
...10 Reasons readme is better than The Tartan
1) Better at news
Unlike The Tartan, which operates on the ideas that journalism should be "fair" and "unbiased", readme is the only campus news source that includes fun quips interesting comments, and other eccentricities.
2) Better words
Find me a single example of the Tartan using …
...The realization that the year 2014 is in 4 hours 5 minutes 17 seconds, and its aging-related implications
In this paradigm-shifting study, we unveil the startling truth that our perception of time is seriously flawed. Contrary to conventional wisdom, the year that occurred four years ago was not 2016, but actually 2020. This conclusion was arrived at by the fact that 2024 - 4 = 2020, and not …
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