Paid for by: JFC (the fucking guy himself, not the funding council)
KGB Presents: readme
Editor in Chief: Eshaan Joshi
All the news unfit to print!
Pitch meetings Saturdays at 5:00 pm, Doherty Hall room 1117

Vol 1, Issue 1: the issue in which readme gets off of double secret probation

readme returns!

Hello! We're readme, a re­established student­-run satire magazine at the one and only Carnegie Mellon University! We were originally founded in 1992, when Jim McDougal, Terry Former, Elle Forest, and that Scooter "Skip" Hoodwinkle decided to meet in the deep recesses of the Doherty A level and think up an idea nobody had ever thought about before ­ could Carnegie Mellon students be fu...

The secret dark reality of ChatGPT

Much to the dismay of educators around the globe, the popularity of Artificial Intelligence, or AI, has exploded over the past year. Millions of prompts are sent every day to OpenAI’s groundbreaking chatbot ChatGPT. Carnegie Mellon’s students in particular have quickly latched on to this new way to avoid their homework. However, behind ChatGPT’s shiny facade lies a foundation of exploitation an...

A Psychosocial Approach to Game-Theoretic Analysis of Rock Paper Scissors

1. Introduction

Rock paper scissors, also known as scissors paper rock, and rarely ever referred to as paper rock scissors, is a game typically played between two people, where one match of rock paper scissors (RPS) consists of both players throwing out a hand gesture at the same time after a brief countdown. These hand gestures re...

Carnegie Crime Report

README prides itself on informing the students of Carnegie Mellon on local news and major events. Due to a large influx in crime on and near campus, README is publishing the details of several crimes so students know what to look out for. Safety is README’s top priority as an organization (aside from just generally fucking around of course).

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10 Reasons readme is better than The Tartan

1) Better at news

Unlike The Tartan, which operates on the ideas that journalism should be "fair" and "unbiased", readme is the only campus news source that includes fun quips interesting comments, and other eccentricities.

2) Better words

Find me a single example of the Tartan using the word "eccentricites". You can't. We're simply better.

3) Lack of a sports...

The realization that the year 2014 is in 4 hours 5 minutes 17 seconds, and its aging-related implications

In this paradigm-shifting study, we unveil the startling truth that our perception of time is seriously flawed. Contrary to conventional wisdom, the year that occurred four years ago was not 2016, but actually 2020. This conclusion was arrived at by the fact that 2024 - 4 = 2020, and not 2016 (see more in the methods section), therefore the year four years ago was 2020. We also managed to concl...

Cat For Sale


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Explore Human Computer Interaction at CMU!


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Readme Introduces Scotty Games


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Loss Word Search


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Coupon for free wingman service


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