Rejected Headlines

• Does the third amendment let me kick out my ROTC roommate?
• You think you're a leftist? I'm wearing Che Guevara!
• You can disassemble the military-industrial technocomplex after I get a job
• Why can't Israel and Pakistan just get along?
• ECEs flee to suburbs of computer science, citing too many civil engineers
• Nudist Revolution on Campus, 30% of campus disrobes
• ... and it's the ugly 30%
• OpenAI launches new Abacus; Calculator sales drop dramatically
• Transphobes: It's still Constantinople
• The Revolution is coming, just let me get off my SSRIs first
• For the upcoming Readme "Female" Issue: "Susan Be Shopping"
• Student Senate revolts after fourth straight week of tasty pizza at meetings

All this and more, not in this issue!