In order to properly enforce the new expressive action rule, CMU has hired the educational celebrity, The Count from Sesame Street, to count crowds on campus and make sure none exceed tvventy four. The students seem to be taking the new member of the Carnegie Mellon family vvell. “It’s a nightmare,” one student said, “I can’t even do group work in the library without that purple bastard coming ...
In the recent culture war waged by conservatives in the United States of America, a central tenet is as follows: "go woke, go broke"¹. This begets the question, is there any semblance of truth to this claim? We analyzed hundreds of years worth of financial literature as well as statistics, and even ended up interviewing both awake and asleep people to help us answer this very important question...
The sun was shining as a group of README writers took their places along the sidewalk of Forbes Avenue. Pushing aside Jehovah’s Witnesses, the group raised their signs and began to chant: “Eshaan works us ‘till we’re dust, and he won’t fucking pay us”. Weeks of worker tensions had finally boiled over into an all-out README strike, and Carnegie Mellon’s most middlingly competent authors were tak...
In an effort to address growing concerns over the role of artificial intelligence in journalism, readMe—a publication known for its groundbreaking reporting—has issued a heartfelt statement, firmly asserting its commitment to human writers. This comes amid speculation that the company's recent deployment of AI tools is not, I repeat, not an attempt to phase out its talented staff of wordsmiths....
“It is sacrilege that anyone graduating from Dietrich as an English major could even consider the possibility of having a stable career” – Unnamed Computational Biology researcher. With the unveiling of ChatGPT-4o early this summer, along with constant daily advancements in AI technology, artists are feeling mounting pressure as their faith in their job security crumbles. Sure, much of the movi...
We have intern, Ian “Meat” Turner, here by his own free will to write an article for us. Right, Meat? intern’s note- understood
strike Has rEadme in a chokehoLd. writers comPlain about lack of financial coMpEnsation.
iT appears tHat rEadme, the reallY cool newspaper, wHo hAVE becoMe loved bY our carnegie mellon FAMILY, Has fallen under rOugh timeS due To An onGoing strikE...
On September 3rd, 2024, the staff of the student-run newspaper “readme”, serving Tartans true and peer-reviewed news since 2024, decided to go on strike in an unprecedented display of resentment towards Eshaan Joshi, CEO of said newspaper. This strike happened after months of attempted negotiations with Mr. Joshi over payment, which he refused to pay, while Mr. Joshi went on to buy avocado toas...
Following clues left behind by various escapees of the Doherty C-level, a Carnegie Mellon expedition discovered the corpse of school founder, Andrew Carnegie, in the recesses of the building. The Doherty Basement is one of the few remaining unexplored regions in the United States, and the Civil Engineering Department decided it was important to finally chart it. The journey was fraught with
