Benner Rogers
She/her
Staffwriter, Artist, Obligatory English Major
Literature and Culture, Russian Studies, DC '27
Bio
Yes, I am a real person. README'S number one and only journalist since 1984
Fun fact
I'm illiterate. Don't tell Eshaan, he hasn't noticed yet.
Location
Wean 5202
Contact
bennerr@andrew.cmu.edu
Latest
MLM vs MLM vs MLM: Everything YOU need to know
The modern world is filled with confusing new acronyms, and it seems like more crop up every day. The most insidious example is “MLM”, an amorphous concept that no person seems to truly understand and which appears to shift meaning with no regard to context.
I speak, of course, of the following three phrases: multi-level-marketing, man-loving-man, and Marxist-Leninist-Maoist. No user of the acronym MLM can truly know which of these concepts they are referring to, resulting in probably the most deep-reaching misunderstanding of the English language ever recorded in our history.
Now, dear reader, let me enlighten you. …
My cat is an asshole
Yes, you read that right. My adorable, sweet, old-lady cat is a fucking asshole. Ever since the day we adopted her, my home has never known peace. She’s a smart asshole too. Early on, she discovered the miracle contraption known as a “window”. What did she do with this knowledge? Sit in front of it in order to torment the neighborhood dogs. Do you know how awkward it is to say to your neighbor “oh, sorry your dogs are barking, my cat is testing out optimal methods of torture?” My pet dog, her brother, was no exception. Even when …
Interview with a recent grad
Despite CMU’s robust engineering programs, many recent graduates struggle to find a job right for them. Specifically, a job that doesn’t involve sending missiles to third-world countries. README correspondent Benner Rogers sat down with a recent graduate to find out what makes today’s job market so murderous.
Could you state your name for the record?
Oh, I didn’t think that far ahead. Uh, give me a second…
Did…did you forget your own name?
Shut up. Just call me Engineer or something. Why do you wanna know anyways? What ever happened to privacy? People these days I …
Donner Caretaker misses scheduled feeding time
In a regrettable incident this morning, Donner’s officially appointed caretaker missed the 485th annual Donner Creature feeding, the first feeding he was to perform after succeeding a 2025 graduate. In an exclusive statement to readme, the caretaker stated the reason for missing the feeding time:
“There’s a real baddie that sits next to me in the lecture I got then, y’know? You woulda too. Don’t pull that shit where everyone pretends they wouldn’a done the same thing. I know you woulda.”
He also explained that “it’s a four hundred and eighty-five year old tradition and nobody knows why …
