Paid for by: Suspicious plants we're growing in the Stever basement.
Vol 5, Issue 3: the issue in which we consider how much easier it would be to sell our souls (PDF)
Rejected Headlines
- Dick King Mellon? Wasn't that was Carnegie was doing?
- I went back in time and fucked Isaac Newton to prevent calculus, and other shocking confessions.
- Greedy snake oil salesman refuses to make sale.
- Worst performing suicide bomber of 2025 enters second year on job.
- Court rules haunted houses are not acceptable grounds to utilize stand your ground laws.
- I'm only going to be seeing one kind of Python this Valentine's day.
- I'm not homophobic, I'm just homo-weary.
- Remember to tip your TAs!
- Heroic free-speech advocates oppressed by socially ostracized and clearly neurodivergent nerds.
- Presumably Masturbation, or, how I learned to stop worrying and love being sexiled.
- What to do after your mirror rejects your advances.
