Mar. K. O.
he/him
Staffwriter
Ursa, 2030
Bio
Isn't it crazy how modern grocery stores are such an insane concept we take completely for granted? Imagine trying to get an avocado in Pittsburgh, not even two hundred years ago. Completely wild stuff.
Fun fact
You can still play Adobe Flash games by downloading the Flashpoint client
Location
Stuck inside a server room
Latest
CMU PhD Student Actually Born Yesterday
As college admissions become more and more competitive, so do the applications for graduate school. So competitive, in fact, that a newborn child was recently spotted being wheeled in a carriage over to their Advanced Statistical Theory II seminar.
Savants are nothing new at CMU, but one-day-old Weiss Babeigh certainly sets a new bar, pursuing a Ph.D. under all seven departments of SCS. Her seminal work in hyper-efficient Bayesian inference, which she published nine hours ago, is expected to revolutionize the modern fields of statistics and AI. Professors say Babeigh is a pleasure to have in class, with …
Freshman Randomly Selected to Eat Posters off Walls of Wean
Following a year of intense budget cuts, the CMU front office has taken a radical new approach to keeping the designated poster areas clean around Wean Hall. One poor sap has been plucked from the freshman class this winter break and tasked with consuming all papers, posters, and club-related paraphernalia covering the walls of the beige-bathed building.
Thanks to our 24/7 news crew permanently stationed (not stuck) in the out-of-order Wean elevator, ReadMe snagged an exclusive interview with Cher Redder, the surprisingly unbothered Civil Engineering major responsible for carrying out the directives of the administration.
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Good …
2026 Winter Olympics set to debut Calvinball
Upon donations by mysterious benefactors, Calvinball is now part of the Winter Olympics. The following is an account of the first match, an embroiled battle between Botswana and Burkina Faso, as retold by an unnamed Calvinball aficionado watching from a safe distance.
GESLING STADIUM Students flocked to the arena to relish in the brutal spectacle of the greatest sport known to tigerkind. The game’s progenitor, Calvin, actually played an orthodox 1v1 format of Calvinball, but the game has changed much since its inception in 1985. Botswana walked first onto the field with their squadron of 56 players. Due to …
