Cade Suko

By Cade Suko • Vol 6, Issue 2 • Sept. 10, 2026

Imagine this: you’ve been shot and you’re bleeding out on the ground. You call the campus police to come save you, but they send out a guy with another gun! Do you feel safe in this situation? Do you trust this random stranger not to also shoot you? Of course not! But I have a better idea: just call me instead.

Is there a criminal on the loose? I’m literally 6 foot 3. That criminal is getting hit with the good ol’ Cade Combo. All my homies can attest to my power.

Are you having a medical emergency? …

By Cade Suko • Vol 6, Issue 2 • Sept. 10, 2026

Never, ever go near Au Bon Pain if you care about your dignity. Please humbly take my story as a cautionary tale.

It was a beautiful Thursday evening. I was headed to a dinner date with my girlfriend at Revolution Noodle, but young and foolish as I was, I took a wrong turn in the UC.

That was the moment I first saw it: the café that still taunts me with its beauty. Like the succulent apples and oranges they serve as sides, Au Bon Pain’s allure was beyond compare. With all consideration of my date thrown out …

By Cade Suko • Vol 6, Issue 2 • Sept. 9, 2026

If you’re a rat in Carnegie Mellon University, you may love hanging around in many places—Darting around Hunt Library, sliding down Baker Hall, serving food at Yella’s, or being served as food at Yella’s. However, the largest and longest- standing safe haven for rats is undeniably Mudge House. Formed in 1958 by Edmund W. Mudge (who was very progressive for a koi fish of his time), it is the first and only rat- inclusive housing unit at CMU.

Rats lately have been seen more positively in the public eye due to their great contributions to the COVID­19 pandemic, and …