Call Me in Case of Campus Emergencies
Imagine this: you’ve been shot and you’re bleeding out on the ground. You call the campus police to come save you, but they send out a guy with another gun! Do you feel safe in this situation? Do you trust this random stranger not to also shoot you? Of course not! But I have a better idea: just call me instead.
Is there a criminal on the loose? I’m literally 6 foot 3. That criminal is getting hit with the good ol’ Cade Combo. All my homies can attest to my power.
Are you having a medical emergency? Do you trust a random CMU-sponsored stranger to give you mouth-to-mouth, or do you trust me? I’ve kissed a lot of people before, and hardly any of them died!
Is a building on fire? That’s pretty awesome—please call me so I can get there before the fire department does. I’ve always wanted to heroically run into a burning building.
I’m your friend, and I can be trusted with this stuff more than the CMUPD can. If I’m not your friend, what are you waiting for?? Just call!