Alex Soda
he/him
Staffwriter
Physics, 2030
Bio
They said that soda was doomed, that I could never hope to challenge the frozen concentrated orange juice (FCOJ) lobby. Yet my continued existence here today serves as more than fact that soda will one day rule the drink market with an iron fist. There is no use resisting. My rise is inevitable.
Location
Right behind you
Latest
Readme's Readme
# README
World-renowned satire magazine at Carnegie Mellon University, published every two weeks, unless we’re feeling particularly funny in which case we skip an issue. Originally a way for founder Gerald Readme to evangelize their hardline Pittsburgh separatist beliefs, it has since turned into a way for students to make the least of their print quota.
Per our out-of-court settlement with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, Readme is legally interdicted from printing the truth or any part of the truth. As such, owing to their studies, all philosophy majors are disallowed from contributing to the magazine. Students majoring in …