Stealing at Stack'd: A Guide
Stack’d Underground is, on most nights, a thriving center of off duty student activity. Many regular joes are here to grab a quick bite or chat with their classmates. But for enterprising CMU students like me and you, this is also the perfect opportunity to make a quick dime without even breaking a sweat.
You’ll want to find a seat early on in the night, off to one of the dimly lit sides. Find one that puts the entire room in easy view. It’s not a bad idea to get a small meal and pass the time a bit—you know, deflect some suspicion. Very important: Do not get a burger! Opt instead for a pre packaged salad, no dressing, no iceberg lettuce. You’ll see why soon enough.
Once the place begins to fill up with students, it’s time to scope out your prospects. Your prime suspects will be alone, standing out against all the groups of friends. It’s more than likely that they’ll come in straight from Hunt and order a classic Stack’d burger in the hopes of eating away their depression. Their cloud of stress and despair makes them reckless and distracted—in other words, an easy target.
As they start to eat their meal, take close watch. At first, they’ll consume the burger at a ravenous pace, but they will soon slow down until each swallow looks like a struggle. As they near the final bite, their face will turn green and their eyes hazy. They’ll struggle towards the bathroom—and here’s your chance! As the toilets are going through the trenches, calmly slide out of your seat, and walk over to their former seat. Take their backpack (but leave the fries, you’re not a monster), and leave.
If you’re lucky, you’ll score a laptop and a few other pieces of tech to sell on Facebook Marketplace or CMUsed. Bonus points if you sell it right back to them. A single night’s labor can easily turn several hundred dollars profit this way. In fact, without this life hack, I probably wouldn’t have been able to pay my tuition all these years. So don’t cramp my style —if you need some cash too, I hear that Yella’s and Wild Blue have had many a similar story.