"Roan Tysh"
they/them
Staffwriter
Undecided, 2028
Bio
Pursuing a BS in Undecided, class of 2028. You'll never guess my name.
Fun fact
My cat's name is Poppy and she knows how you die
Location
Doherty B, in a staring contest with the cameras
Contact
rtosh@andrew.cmu.edu
Latest
Student gives 75 classmates AIVs
On Tuesday, November 26th, during a midterm for 18-122 (Principles of Slightly Different Computing), a record of 75 students were given academic integrity violations within a 32 minute span. While their alleged offenses varied widely in scale and execution, they all constituted some form of unauthorized aid, traced back to a single student who passed the course with a C last semester. Most significantly, none of the students involved showed any desire to receive assistance on the midterm.
The aid arrived in many different forms. Some thirty students received copies of Tuesday's midterm in their CMU Gmail inbox the …
Iliano Spills All, Denies Ties to CIA
On November 7th, README secured an interview with one of CMU's most famed figures: Dr. Illiano Cervesato, the professor for Principles of Imperative Computing. Reproduced below are some of the most intriguing, incriminating, and downright intransient questions and answers we got from this unprecedented collaboration.
Your class is infamous for its strictness on academic integrity, do you think– [Iliano: Infamous?] –infamous, yeah [both chuckle] that's the word they used. Do you think that students are more likely to cheat in 122, or just more likely to get caught?
Maybe both? They are more likely to cheat because it's …
What is MIT
To most of us, "MIT" stands for one thing, and one thing only: an overused BSD-style software license. But in a suburb of Boston, a little-known private university known as Massachusetts Institute of Technology has been racking up accolades at an impressive rate, sparking curiosity among CMU students and faculty.
The gist of MIT is pretty simple: it's basically a smaller, shittier CMU. With an undergraduate population of 4500 and a graduate population of 7300, it hasn't quite caught up to our Carnegie Tech, which boasts 7700 undergrads and 8600 graduate students. While CMU's historic campus spans a range …
CMU to Issue Free and Open Source Driver's License
In the software industry, the Free and Open Source Software (or FOSS) movement has long pushed for licenses, such as GPL and BSD, which allow code to be seen, copied, and improved upon by anyone. This is in opposition to proprietary software, in which the source code is private and under strict copyright protections. Until recently, even the state of Pennsylvania has taken such a restrictive view on licensing: driver's licenses, despite being easy to copy and modify, are placed under unnecessary and limiting restrictions.
CMU, as an institution for the promotion of knowledge, stands in opposition to anything …
ROTC caught building "stealth" booth
It seemed like a normal night at first to Scott Snuffy, an unassuming Dietrich student, until while walking home from a late-night recitation, he noticed something odd. "A wooden plank seemed to lift itself into the air, all on its own." Few believed him, until he tried recording the phenomenon on film. Once closely analyzed, a CMU forensics team discovered that the plank was in fact being lifted, but by a 19 year old in camoflage, disguised perfectly against the CFA parking lot.
Further investigation revealed something shocking: CMU's own detachment of the Army ROTC had been building an …
Carnegie Mellon Secedes!
In 1967, an offshore platform in the North Sea was seized by a pirate radio operator. This would become the Principality of Sealand, an unrecognized micronation. Recently, CMU's administration was struck with inspiration, and decided to secede from the United States, to form its own micronation.
The sovereign state of Carnegie-Mellon Republic (CMR) encompasses approximately 0.6 square kilometers, with a 4.8km border, soon to be secured with concrete walls with many bottle-cap-sized holes. Carnegie-Mellon is yet to establish diplomatic relations with any nations, minus one. Scotland has been receptive, and sent a bouquet of thistles to the CMR embassy …
Vote Wean Hall!
With the 2024 US presidential election just weeks away, README is proud to announce that we're officially endorsing a candidate for the first time. It was a tough decision; on one side we have a candidate who did not fall out of a coconut tree, and on the other side, we have the star of the beloved Christmas movie "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York." Despite the strong partisan contenders, we have decided to endorse an independent candidate: our very own Wean Hall.
Wean Hall, built in 1971, is a 9-story brutalist structure just off of the Mall. …
CMU discovers secret life of Wean Hall namesake
Wean Hall needs no introduction. As the sole brutalist structure on campus, its stark concrete facade gives an intimidating visage to the campus's hub for science and engineering. Many are vaguely aware of Raymond J Wean, founder of Wean Incorporated, and the namesake of Wean Hall, immortalized in a plaque on the wall of La Prima.
However, upon googling Raymond J Wean, one CMU official made a shocking discovery: Wean lived a double life, as a brutal enforcer for the Bonanno crime family. According to Wean's assigned FBI agent, "Wean was a psychopath. He would have killed you and …
README buys Farnam's Hair? Cost of CMU Leader's Locks
In the days following README's bankruptcy, many questions have arisen, such as "how,” "why,” and "what's the difference between a marmot and a gopher.” The answer to at least two of these questions has recently come to light: Farnam's hair. It is still unclear why the hair of CMU's beloved president was sold in the first place, but it is now safely in storage in an undisclosed location on campus.
But just how much did it cost? Secret documents found stapled to the outside of Wean Hall identified the price as $5k per strand. "I just don't see …