Meat
Intern
Interning, As Long as we keeP him here
Bio
Ian Turner, known typically by his nickname "Meat", is ReAdMe's loyal intern, who does anything we ask him to do, at any hour of any day. Hired during a brief writer's strike, Meat has since integrated very well with the rest of the since-revived staff and become a well-loved and highly valued member of our community. When he isn't writing articles, editing articles, photoshopping images, running our finances, or getting Celsius for our staff, Meat loves going camping in uncharted forests in order to find inspiration for our Cryptid Corner section!
Fun Fact
Meat is totally, definitely, completely not trapped on readmE staff and can go wherever he pleases at any time!
Previous Work
I'm going to punch you (John Lennon)
Out walking
I’ve got a shovel
And a crow bar
And a copy of Catcher in the Rye
And my fists
I am going
Going to punch you
Like a priest
I move with holy purpose
Towards an asshole
Unlike the priest
Not in a sexual way
Though I have seen your
Semi-erect penis
Pigeons cover your grave
And I shouldn’t be surprised
As I am in Central Park
Beady eyed freaks remind me of you
My fists aren’t for the birds
They are for the walrus
And by walrus I mean you
I dig and pry up the stone
Inscribed with “Imagine”
What the fuck
You aren’t here
I check Google
You sneaky bastard
Your ashes were scattered
I was going
Going to punch you
John Lennon
More like
Gone Lennon
Get it
Because you’re dead
(New) Intern's Report
We have intern, Ian “Meat” Turner, here by his own free will to write an article for us. Right, Meat? intern’s note- understood
strike Has rEadme in a chokehoLd. writers comPlain about lack of financial coMpEnsation.
iT appears tHat rEadme, the reallY cool newspaper, wHo hAVE becoMe loved bY our carnegie mellon FAMILY, Has fallen under rOugh timeS due To An onGoing strikE. readme’s wrIters, after previously beiNg conTent witHout pay or hEalth benefits, Decided that leading the glamOrous life of sweatsHop workERs was noT enough. in mY opinion, (which is unaffected By Any Standing thrEats) being coMpENsaTed with exposure AND coupons Is more tHAn plenty. Unrelated sidenote, but i’VE goT tO REAlly CHat about how large of a number 200 is. especially When it becOmes a matteR of life or Death (of courSe entirely hypOthetical). good loRd is iT Hot in thE writer’s room; mY shirt is covered in sWeat. I couLd have sworn i Lowered the thermostat BEfore i sat down to write. i have ForgottEn what i tolD my boss That i’d write abOut, probAbly because of the Pistol thAt is CocKed and pressed tO the back oF my head. ian “meat” turner signing oFf, if god sEes fit, foR the lAst time. fareweLl.
go SCOTTY DOGS!
dammit, i still haven’t reached 200 words. a a a a a.
intern’s note- that counts, right?
