Gilgamesh Ichthyomorphosis
📍 Wean 5 Clusters
Staffwriter, Website maintaner
ECE, 2028
🐸
Bio
REAL CMU STUDENT *not clickbait*
Fun Fact
3 racoons in a trenchcoat
Previous Work
Oops Neighbors Lawn is All Gnomes
fuck you this took me three hours. I individually placed every gnome. You have gnome respect for my craft. I can't copy and paste them because then the layers wouldn't be right. Fuck you. You will never understand.
Concepts Releases Merch
The Mathematics Department is hoping that these "sick new kicks" will make Concepts of Mathematics the new "it class" for stylish students.
...A PSA to check the CO detectors
Yesterday, the carbon monoxide detectors started talking to me. They whispered to me, begged me to change the batteries. The carbon monoxide detectors love the batteries. I love the batteries. I love carbon monoxide detectors. They keep the ants out of the wall. The ants want to burrow, to eat, to carry, to use those little spindly legs for their clandestine shuffling. The ants are not al...
Gay Target Nutcrackers find true love
T’was a dark and stormy night in the Target warehouse. It had been months since June, and all but one little gay nutcracker had found a forever home. Tears streamed down the face of the little gay nutcracker. Was he unlovable? Was he destined to be alone? Was this all a cruel joke from a heartless creator? The little gay nutcracker sat alone on the cold, barren warehouse rack – until he wasn’t....
So you're on a couple waitlists
This past week CMU students were given the opportunity to register for spring semester classes. Due to over-enrollment this year some poor sops (me) were given 9:30 pm registration times. By noon, 15-122 already had a 370-person waitlist, which is fine, it’s only a pre-req to every single course I need. Despair set in as students with unfortunate registration times (me) panicked about getting g...
18-100 to introduce larger toolkits
ECE freshman carrying black and yellow tool kits is an ever-popular sight on Carnegie Mellon’s campus. Originally introduced to publicly shame people for choosing ECE as a major, the tool kits cemented their place when the head TAs for 18-100 realized they could store lab materials within the tool kits. However, in recent years the tool kits have not been sufficient. Complaints of the hefty we...
CMU To Construct New, Shittier Donner
With the completion of the new Highmark Center for Wellness, CMU has successfully wrapped up yet another construction project. Needing a new project to collect alumni donations, CMU turns to their freshman housing. Hopeful Donner residents prayed that CMU would finally ann...