Vol 3, Issue 5: the issue in which we pretend that we paid attention in Hebrew school
Rejected Headlines
- Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan
- Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me?
- How to tell if your reform rabbi is a lesbian (she is).
- How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is).
- Mom if I find the afikomen can I have my turn on the space laser.
- Kanye up to something
- Intro to Religion Course Deadline Drops; Whole Class Converts to Judiasm.
- It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine.
- Worst kid in your Hebrew class insists on making Purim play a musical
- Rabbi hot?!
- Gelt still more real than crypto.
- King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half.
All this and more, not in this issue!
Poetry Corner
Chuck Schumer’s Glasses
Chuck Schumer’s Glasses
Precariously perched
Tilted and tepid
How does he look up?
Or straight forward?
Or in any direction that isn’t at a 60 degree angle?
Left with many questions
I seek
No answers
Just Chuck
Fiddler on the Roof
Without traditions
Our lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on the roof
Oh no
That's not good
The fiddler
Has dropped the fiddle
From the roof
Onto Tevye’s eldest
She looks hurt
Ok it's just a bruise she’ll be fine
Surely nothing else bad will happen to the Jews of Anatevka
The Guy in the Maccabeats that Wears the Astronaut Suit in the Candlelight Video from 14 Years Ago
Please marry me
I know you’re married
And I’m a lesbian
But please marry me
This isn’t a poem
My Dad Kind of Looks Like Adam Sandler
The universe
Is cold and dark
Uncaring and random
So why then
Does my dad look kind of like Adam Sandler
Like they’re not identical but they have a certain similar likeness
The universe is
Absurd and answers to no one
So I shout to the void
If I have a child
Will it be Adam Sandler
Jewish Space Lasers are SDC's newest buggy strategy
Last week during rolls, SDC buggy unveiled their newest buggy: Greed. The new design features a shorter body and lower ceiling, as well as a front mounted laser cannon. Upon questioning by ReadmE on what the purpose of this laser was, SDC merely responded that it was classified. However, after some careful investigative journalism (that did not include trespassing), our brave journalists were able to pinpoint the intended use of the laser.
According to internal SDC documents, the laser is able to get targeted wheels hot enough to burn them off of opposing teams' buggies. Additionally, CMU students are like cats, and when presented with a laser pointer will go ballistic. This advancement comes on the heels of SDC buggy’s latest scandal, where ████████ ████ with ███ using █████.
An anonymous SDC mech explained to READme that the new design was based on the revolutionary thinking of Marjorie Taylor Greene. “I remember her rant on Jewish Space Lasers causing the California wildfires and was inspired to put a laser on top of our buggy.”
The SDC public relations team would like to clarify that even though the idea was based off of a “Jewish space laser,” the buggy space laser is “non-denominational.“ Furthermore, SDC buggy would like to clarify that Greed “holds no ill will towards the Jews, and if they need to start another California wildfire anytime soon, Greed is more than happy to help out with a good cause.”
Readme reached out to Sweepstakes to ask if this violated any rules. They responded that because the laser doesn’t generate any momentum for the buggy, it’s “perfectly legal.” When asking if firing lasers at other teams broke any safety regulations, Sweepstakes stated that there isn’t a policy explicitly banning buggy-mounted laser cannons.
Some drivers are voicing concerns with this safety ruling. A FRINGE driver told reaDme: “I was perfectly fine cramming myself in a carbon fiber tube and going 35 MPH headfirst down a hill, but I draw the line at a laser pointer.” However, not all drivers are concerned with this new advancement. An APEX driver told readME that “there’s nothing to worry about, SDC is always disqualified before race day.”
Reportedly, CIA has already begun working on responses to this new buggy. Leaked messages show a machine gun mounted to the top of their buggy. A CIA spokesperson told readme that “this is purely defensive, and only a countermeasure.”
All my Jewish Friends say the most antisemitic things
As someone who isn’t Jewish, I have not been involved in the production of the ReadMe Passover Issue. But even if it’s not my place, I would just like to say something. And I swear, it isn’t because it’s written by Jewish people. I have nothing against the Jewish people. In fact, a lot of my friends are Jewish! Well, not that having Jewish friends precludes me from being antisemitic, but that — I mean, I’m not friends with them because they’re Jewish, they just happen to be both Jewish and my friends. So I’m definitely cool with the Jews.
Jesus [Editor’s Note: Really? Interesting choice of messiah], Benner, what are you doing? Get a grip. Just… just move on already.
All I’m saying is that some of my Jewish friends have a rather dark sense of humor. Particularly the ones who write for ReadMe. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Everyone enjoys a macabre joke every once in a while. But sometimes, from an outside perspective, it can look a little… questionable. Especially when they make these jokes in public. I mean, I understand that humor can be a way of coping with generational trauma. I’m not trying to say that isn’t okay! I totally understand the appeal for self deprecating humor. But we are in a very sensitive political time right now and, well, sometimes these kinds of jokes can come off rather poorly.
There might not even be any problems! I trust my friends to make good decisions while writing, and they’re all very funny people. It’s probably fine.
Look. I don’t think I’m getting my point across very well. I just… wow. I don’t know how else to say this, but… The Jewish people in ReadMe have said the most antisemitic things I have ever encountered. I’ve heard absolutely vile statements come from the mouths of my Jewish friends. If I repeated them, it would instantly make me unhireable. I’m talking about talking points ripped straight from medieval Europe. It can be really, really bad.
Again, this isn’t because they’re Jewish! I love the Jewish people! And I’m definitely not antisemitic! I’m just trying to explain that no, I swear I’m not a Nazi, my friends are just assholes who also happen to be Jewish.
Oh man… This is not how I wanted this to go. What am I even saying? You need to save this right now, Benner, or you can kiss any hope for an internship goodbye.
Do I need to convert to Judaism? Because I’ll do it. I am fully prepared to devote my life to reading the Torah and cooking for Shabbat dinner. Just please, someone let me know what I can do to make this stop. I’m a good person I swear. Christ [Editor’s Note: Hmm.], why am I even trying? It’s hopeless! Why does it have to be me? I’m not an antisemite! You have to believe me! It’s not my fault! It’s their fault! No, I mean, I don’t want to blame the — goddammit, it’s not the Jews’ fault either! I’m so sorry!
Oh god, why did I have to use my real name for this goddamn newspaper?
Torah Review
Noah’s Ark
🔯🔯
Great ocean scenery but they put me with the only other human and he keeps looking at me weird.
Tower of Babel
🔯🔯🔯
Gribbledorf zanks flomptiously squibberwump’s jibbleflop.
Cain and Abel
🔯🔯🔯🔯
If my dad named me Cain, I’d also be pissed off.
Joseph’s Coat of Many Colors
🔯🔯🔯
A bit too much if you ask me.
Passover Story
🔯🔯
Can’t believe they plagiarized from the iconic 1998 American animated musical drama film The Prince of Egypt. Is nothing original these days?
The Desert
🔯🔯🔯🔯🔯
t’s been a great few days. I’m sure we’ll get to the promised land really soon. I’m really
not a fan of wandering or the number 40 but I’m sure that won’t be a problem.
Ten Commandments
🔯
We really traded a golden calf for two stones, huh.
Update to "Ain't gunna work on Saturday"
All week I worked at carnival building my booth
Stayed up till 5am, shaving years off my youth.
Come Friday morning it was time to connect the final piece
But then it was almost shabbos, so I had to cease.
When people started walking in the whole booth collapsed,
The judges disqualified us, just as we feared.
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Double, double, triple pay
Won’t make me work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
It’s shabbos kodesh
Next carnival I was a buggy driver
All Sundays fall and spring I went around the course
But when it was raceday, I felt some remorse.
See I was loaded inside the buggy and carried to hill one,
As they pushed me up hill two, I was done.
It was Friday afternoon, shabbos came without fail
So I crashed into a hay bale.
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Double, double, triple pay
Won’t make me work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
It’s shabbos kodesh
Reasons Why a Nice Jewish Boy Like You Isn't Married
1) You won’t let me set you up with Rachel Cohen
Rachel is such a nice girl. I’m sure you two would have a lot in common. I saw her mother at Barbara’s shiva last week. Do you remember Barbara? Such a shame! And you know what her mother said? Rachel is moving to Philly for her residency. A doctor! Can you believe that? It would work out so well and you won’t even let me set you guys up. Fine, fine, I won’t. You know I do so much for you and this is all I get in return. I said I won’t. Oy, I don’t get an ounce of appreciation from this family.
2) Too focused on (unsuccessful) career
Wow, you want to be a writer! That's what the world needs more of. Why can’t you be more like your brother David. He and Rebekah are both gastroenterologists, just like Rachel is going to be. Why won’t you let me set you up with Rachel?
3) You stopped going to synagogue after your bar mitzvah You don’t even go to shul during the high holidays. Remember when you wanted to be a rabbi as a kid? Remember Morah Rivka? With the hair? She would be so disappointed in you. It wouldn’t kill you to show up once in a while you know. Just say hi to the Goldbergs. They asked about you the other day and all I could say was that you’re an unmarried schlemiel.
4) Your stupid haircut Your hair is too long. It’s unkempt. I don’t get your generation. Can you even see? I just worry about you bubbeleh. How will you raise my grandkids if you can’t even go to the barbershop?
5) Are you gay? I’d be fine if you’re gay but you have to tell me
You know I lived in New York in the 80s. I’m hip. But there's no good reason that a nice Jewish boy like yourself isn’t married. Are you gay? You can tell me if you're gay. I heard Susie’s son was gay. Why won’t you let me set you up with Susie’s son? He’s a gastroenterologist.
People who played Esther in a second grade Hebrew school play more likely to be happy, confident, and employed
Groundbreaking new research has revealed the single strongest childhood predictor of adult success in Jewish youth. Second grade students who in their Hebrew school Purim plays played Esther were found to be happier, more confident, and more employed than their less fortunate peers who played Vashti. Vashti was the Persian king Ahasuerus’s wife, at least until Ahasuerus got so royally drunk that he banished Vashti for refusing to appear naked in front of all the partying men for his seven-day-long party. This is widely considered to be within the top three least normal things Ahasuerus did. This required him to find a new queen, for which he held a beauty pageant that the secretly-Jewish girl Esther won. Esther then proceeded to save all the Jews by convincing her famously morally-inclined husband to rectify his prime minister Haman’s decree to direct Persians to kill all the Jews, by allowing the Jews to fight back (because apparently cancelling the decree wasn’t an option). Esther is therefore widely regarded as cooler and more badass than Vashti.
Researchers were intrigued by anecdotal evidence that second-grade Esthers were more successful than their Vashti counterparts. One example researchers examined was a former Esther who is now the CEO of a Silicon Valley startup which makes an app providing an AI-powered Jewish motherly figure for non-Jews. She balances her job with caring for her 18 children. Meanwhile, one of her classmates who played Vashti in that same fateful Purim play has been unemployed since being fired from a dreidel-making company several years ago for rigging the dreidels toward the ש side (the only bad side) out of pure depression. Furthermore, she only has 8 children.
This made researchers decide to investigate further with a scientifically rigorous study. Their methodology was to email Hebrew school teachers and ask about students from 10-20 years ago. The researchers commented they were surprised that the Hebrew school teachers could report on every last detail of every single one of their past students who had played Esther or Vashti.
Researchers unequivocally found that Esthers were, in comparison with Vashtis, more likely to be happy, confident, and employed. They measured happiness via the Hebrew school teachers’ assessments on a scale from 1 to 10. This was a change in plan from asking Esthers and Vashtis to self-assess because “these teachers know everything about these people anyway; they’re basically Jewish mothers to all these kids.” Confidence was assessed by individually contacting Esthers and Vashtis, and then asking them to rank how well they perform on basic prayers. As all Jews who have attended Hebrew school are perfect at basic prayers after doing them thousands of times, researchers considered this a good proxy for confidence.
More research is needed to understand the causation behind this difference, but researchers already have theories. “Esther is the epitome of a strong feminine figure who accomplishes things and makes her husband reconsider certain poor decisions like getting a mohawk or allowing the killing of an entire people group. Meanwhile, Vashti would totally tell Ahasuerus to get a mohawk,” said one researcher. One possibility is that traits affecting eventual life success of Hebrew school students already exist in second-graders, affecting the characters they would like to play and how teachers tend to cast them. Previous research on why every girl cast as Mordechai ends up being gay has leaned toward this explanation. Another possibility is that the second-grade Purim play itself is a transformative experience, with Esthers physically learning to be brave and stand up for what is right, and Vashtis disappointing not only their Hebrew school teachers but also their Jewish mothers.
REPORTS: CMU Nothing Like Jewish Sleepaway Camp
Freshman Ari Steinberg has spent every summer at Camp Ramah in New England since he was 9 years old, so he thought living in a traditional triple on the third floor of Mudge would be easy as alef, bet, gimel. And he was ready to survive a few weeks of 80-degree weather with no air conditioning. But as it turned out, being in the dorm was more like being in the bunk with the other friend group. “My roommates don’t want to play ultimate frisbee or Magic: The Gathering with me,” he complained. “But on the bright side, at least they aren’t flashing me every now and then when their ‘towels slip.’” Steinberg also found some trouble adjusting to the Mudge third-floor communal bathrooms, noting that while no one ever threatened to pee in a cup and splash it on him for taking more than 30 seconds in the shower (which he says is “not an exaggeration”), he’s disappointed by the total lack of conversations in the bathroom. “Sometimes I’ll hear somebody talking in there and get excited, but then it always turns out they’re just on the phone with someone,” he said. “At camp I knew everybody in my year and almost everyone in the year above and below me, why don’t I even know most of the people in my dorm here?”
Steinberg was also surprised with how he used his time after getting to CMU. “O-week felt like camp: a bunch of planned activities that I skipped because they were boring as fuck. Meals were kinda like camp too with them having us all eat shitty buffet food in a big room all together, but I kept expecting them to start handing out benschers before people could leave and doing Birkat. [Author’s note: the fact that I have to write an author’s note to explain what this is should make it pretty clear why this doesn’t happen. Anyway, go look at the glossary on page (whatever).] But once classes started, everything I knew came crashing to the ground. At camp, they only let us have an hour of free time a day, plus a few more on Saturdays. Here, though, everything is free time, but not free time that I can just use to chill with my friends. I have to do homework! My chugim never gave me homework….Oh, chugim are like classes, but at camp, and they don’t give you homework.”
Steinberg did point out one thing that he felt really did carry over from his time at Ramah. “At camp, we have this concept called the sixth-week slump,” he explained, “where you’ve been at camp for six weeks out of the eight and you want to be having fun and doing all the camp things but really you’re exhausted and miss your parents and are so ready to go home and it’s so close, but you have to tough it out because as soon as you get home you’re just gonna hate your family again. Yeah, each half-semester is kinda like that. Oh, also the building right at the front of campus is the main office. Camp is like that too. Though Warner hall isn’t connected to a building with no AC where I can do arts and crafts. That one’s across campus a bit.”
readme tried finding other Jewish summer camp alumni at CMU to comment, but they seemed to all be at Washington University in St. Louis, which sources say is just like camp.
On the Four Questions
First of all, if you’ve ever heard of the Four Questions, chag sameach. If you haven’t, be grateful you won’t have to do them when you’re forced into joining your hypothetical Jewish friends (who are all older than you, obviously) at their several-hour-long celebration of a liberation they claim they all were at even though it was 4,000 years ago and also probably never happened at all (I can say that; most Jews don’t punish atheists for blasphemy these days). But before they get to telling you the story, the youngest person who knows Hebrew just well enough to do so will recite something we commonly refer to as the Four Questions. But there’s something people don’t seem to realize about the Four Questions: There’s only ONE FUCKING QUESTION. There’s ONE FUCKING QUESTION WORD and it’s at THE BEGINNING OF THE FIRST SENTENCE, YES, THE ONE THAT’S USUALLY PUNCTUATED WITH AN EXCLAMATION MARK AND SUPPOSEDLY THE ONE STATEMENT IN THE SET. NO, it’s ONE FUCKING QUESTION with FOUR FUCKING ANSWERS. NOT FOUR FUCKING QUESTIONS. “What makes this night different from all other nights” is a QUESTION. Does “On all other nights, we eat bread and matzah. On this night, only matzah” sound like A FUCKING QUESTION??? No, no. I’m not angry. If I were, it would be 100% justified. But I’m not angry. Not at all.
Wean is Shabbat Friendly?
On Shabbat, Jews are not to parttake in physical activity, work, or use contraptions that use electricity voluntarily – which means one cannot press the buttons of an elevator. Many institutions use what are known as “shabbat elevators”, which are elevators that stop and open at every floor, such that observant jews could go onto a different floor while still obeying G-d. One example of such an institution that uses this technology is Wean Hall at Carnegie Mellon University, a prestigious T5 tech school nestled in the foothills of the Allegheny Mountains. The way these elevators are shabbat compliant is rather unique – rather than using code that activates on a Friday evening sunset to enable Shabbat mode, the University provides a multitude of goyish students to enter and exit at each floor. If one were to, lets say, try to traverse from floor 4 to 7, a very common commute here, the following scene would play out: someone calls the elevator at floor 4, as is common, and presses the button for floor 5 because they are a lazy fuck that cannot bother to use the stairs. Once you are on the elevator and it gets to floor 5, this loser exits and a different schmuck enters and presses the button for floor 6. Once there, the same scene plays out. If an observant Jew were to be on this elevator, Hashem would be very pleased. However, this method of using human labor to turn elevators into Shabbat machines has a major oversight – hoards of lazy people usually aren’t on floors 1, 2, 3, 8, or 9, which means that a nice jewish boy, girl, or neither would have to press the buttons themselves on these levels. Hopefully, the university supplies incentives to increase the student population at these floors, or just catches up to the rest of the world on Shabbat elevator technology.
Man named Enu goes into hiding after Passover seder
Although it's been nearly a year since that Seder, I am still in fear for my life. The incident started as a simple invitation. Several of my jewish friends invited me to a Passover seder. “You get four glasses of wine,” they said. “It’s like Thanksgiving with three hours of prayers and none of the traditional food,” they said. “It will be fun,” they said. I was naive enough to accept the invitation.
A few days later, I donned a formal dress shirt, combed my hair, and made my way over to my friend’s house. Although I was fifteen minutes late, I was the first to arrive. The coffee table was ordained with jelly candies and flowers. My eyes wavered over to the table where a plate with different items (that they’d later tell me was a seder plate) rested. My friend approached me.
“This is your first passover seder?” he asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll walk you through it.”
At first, I enjoyed the passover seder. We drank a glass of wine, ate parsley dipped in saltwater, and recounted the story of G-d freeing the jews from Egypt. Then disaster struck. One of my so-called friends piped up, “how about we sing ‘die Enu’?”
I froze. Did I hear her correctly? The rest of the group heartily agreed. I sank back into my chair, certainly my ears were malfunctioning. The group began to break into song. I sang the first verse. To my horror, the group sang “die Enu” again. By the chorus I was trembling. All they were saying was “die die Enu” over and over.
I fled the room. As I rushed out the door I could hear their excuses: “dayenu means it would have been enough in hebrew!” “We’re not telling you to die!” I didn’t believe their lies.
After that day, I had to go into hiding. I found a remote village in [redacted] and have been living there since. I told the locals that my name is [redacted] in case they too, had homicidal tendencies towards people named Enu.
To my fellow Enu’s, change your name or flee. And never accept any Passover seder invitations.
Campus Activity Report
Our usual crime reporter Abe James is not Jewish, so I have taken up the responsibility of reporting on recent crimes which may or may not be affecting the Jewish community at CMU. As a fill-in, I do not take this position lightly, and seek to report on only the most serious crimes plaguing our campus.
Non-Jewish amnesty recipient claims he and friends were just celebrating Purim
On Thursday, an amnesty call had the third floor of Morewood Gardens abuzz. Jason Zhou, the student for whom the call was made, spoke with reAdMe on the condition of anonymity. “Yeah, my friends and I were celebrating the Jewish holiday of Purim,” said Zhou. “We heard you’re supposed to drink until you can’t tell the difference between Mordechai, who’s the good guy, and Haman, who’s the bad guy. I guess I got to the point where I couldn’t even tell the difference between being awake and being asleep, though.” Zhou says he will “learn from this experience” and “use the exact same excuse next year.”
Afikoman gone missing, little Ricky on the case
Reports have been delivered to reaDMe that the afikoman in SCS professor Jonathan Wasserman’s home has gone missing! The Wassermans don’t know when the larger half of the middle matzah went missing, but investigators’ leading theories suggest that it happened sometime during the festive meal portion of the seder. rEadme reporters on the scene have been told that locating the afikoman is of utmost importance because the meal cannot end until it is eaten. However, investigators have stepped back from the case and are reporting that Professor Wasserman’s 7-year-old son Ricky is now leading the search. Professor Wasserman has announced that there will be a reward of a $2 bill and dessert for any who successfully assist with the search.
Hanukkah candle factory burns down
ReAdMe has received reports of an enormous fire which has engulfed the beloved Hanukkah candle factory in Monroeville, which served as a destination for many Pittsburgh-area Jewish preschool field trips for countless Decembers past. According to people familiar with the incident, the fire was started by a member of the quality assurance department, who accidentally dropped the candle on the factory’s repurposed industrial-era wooden floor, from where it spread across the hundreds of thousands of wicks and finished candles across the building. Though there were thought to be only enough candles to keep the fire burning for one day, the factory remained in flames for eight. Miraculously, no one was hurt.
Glossary of Jewish Terms for the uneducated reader
Afikoman: Christians celebrating Easter wish they could be us. Oh you search for colorful eggs? Try a part of a large cracker. Your seven year old cousin will become a feral Sherlock Holmes and it will become everyone's problem.
Bar/Bat mitzvah: The service in which a 13 year old Jewish boy/girl becomes a Jewish adult. Your parents will not treat you as an adult though. (They never will.)
Birkat Hamazon: The set of prayers said after meals which at camp is accompanied by a near-canonical set of hand motions and sayings, among the more dubious of which is the classic “I swear I saw her bra.”
Chag sameach: Hebrew for happy holidays!
Fiddler on the Roof: A classic.
Four questions: The thing you still have to sing during Passover because you are still the youngest at the seder despite being old enough to vote and own a gun.
Gefilte fish: an Ashkenazi gelatinous fish loaf; It’s good I promise, just maybe not the first 2000 times you try it.
Goy: a gentile (non-Jewish person), but in yiddish because readme can't spell well enough to risk using the word ~~genital~~ gentile
Hashem: the one you call on at every minor inconvenience
Hamentashen: Geez you try to kill the Jews one time and now they eat a cookie that looks like your hat for the next 2400 years; also somehow the least Jewish cookie you’ll find in a New York City bakery
Jewish Geography: ‘Oh where in Brooklyn?’
Maccabeats: Every year twenty balding former Yeshiva University students, will release a banger of an acapella parody that will get sent to every synagogue email list in the matter of minutes, as G-d intended.
Matzah: The shitty cracker-like unleavened bread we eat on Passover that non-Jews seem to actually like for some fucking reason.
Mazel tov: Congratulations; Said often during bar/bat mitzvahs to distract from the crushing loneliness of middle school
Passover: Like Easter but instead of finding brightly colored eggs you have one hard boiled egg you put on a plate next to some bitter herbs and animal bones. Also instead of a magical rabbit there's bitter herbs you eat on step 9 of 15 steps of a minimum 3 hour service. Actually not at all like Easter but if you want to get drunk and cry for religious reasons boy do I have a holiday for you.
Purim: The holiday that’s much closer to the release of this issue, Purim celebrates the time the Jews of Persia were allowed to kill anyone trying to kill them, after which they all got super wasted. Jews of today are encouraged to get super wasted on Purim in their honor. Also just Jewish Halloween.
Shabbat: Day of rest. Most CMU students don’t celebrate. Also the holiest day of the week to have sex. Most CMU students don’t celebrate.
Shabbos Kodesh: fancy way of saying shabbat
Schlemiel: ‘one who spills their soup’, often upon the unfortunate schlimazel
Schmuck: only an idiot like you wouldn’t know
Shul: another word for temple
Seder: The ‘let’s eat’ part of ‘They tried to kill us, We survived, Let’s eat’
Seder plate: a boiled egg, a shank bone, bitter herbs, horseradish, a vegetable and haroset (mix of chopped fruit and nuts meant to resemble mortar) on a plate. Honestly a pretty normal combination of things to put on a plate. Could not think of a more normal combination of things to put on a plate.
Sukkah: Go touch some grass and find out in person
Temple: another word for shul