"Roan Tysh"
they/them
Staffwriter
Undecided, 2028
Bio
Pursuing a BS in Undecided, class of 2028. You'll never guess my name.
Fun fact
My cat's name is Poppy and she knows how you die
Location
Doherty B, in a staring contest with the cameras
Contact
rtosh@andrew.cmu.edu
Latest
CMU discovers secret life of Wean Hall namesake
Wean Hall needs no introduction. As the sole brutalist structure on campus, its stark concrete facade gives an intimidating visage to the campus's hub for science and engineering. Many are vaguely aware of Raymond J Wean, founder of Wean Incorporated, and the namesake of Wean Hall, immortalized in a plaque on the wall of La Prima.
However, upon googling Raymond J Wean, one CMU official made a shocking discovery: Wean lived a double life, as a brutal enforcer for the Bonanno crime family. According to Wean's assigned FBI agent, "Wean was a psychopath. He would have killed you and …
README buys Farnam's Hair? Cost of CMU Leader's Locks
In the days following README's bankruptcy, many questions have arisen, such as "how,” "why,” and "what's the difference between a marmot and a gopher.” The answer to at least two of these questions has recently come to light: Farnam's hair. It is still unclear why the hair of CMU's beloved president was sold in the first place, but it is now safely in storage in an undisclosed location on campus.
But just how much did it cost? Secret documents found stapled to the outside of Wean Hall identified the price as $5k per strand. "I just don't see …