Phong

By Phong • Vol 2, Issue 4 • Oct. 23, 2024

Early this week, SCS students would have been informed via email that a tenth of the SCS student are to be culled, and the email would have included details on how which students are selected to be put to death. Any SCS students who have not seen such an email are asked to urgently check their spam folder. The decimation of SCS, as a direct order from our Dark Lord Biden, is likely to commence before the next United States president-elect gets sworn into office on January 25. All SCS students are thus currently forbidden from leaving the country.

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By Phong • Vol 2, Issue 1 • Sept. 4, 2024

At the beginning of this week, a The Tartan spokesperson revealed to Readme in an exclusive interview that CMU Administration and The Tartan were planning on reviving a copyright dispute that is over a century old against Radford University. As it turns out, CMU is not the only institution with a publication named The Tartan, with RU's student publication also sharing this exact name. "Given our school's namesake, we would be remiss not to pursue legal action in the name of the great American spirit of enterprise and capitalism", explains the spokesperson.

Details for legal action against RU were …

By Phong • Vol 2, Issue 0 • Aug. 21, 2024

Readme is proud to announce that it will be hosting a party this Friday night to welcome all incoming freshmen present for o-week, and yes, there will be alcohol. To be invited, simply bring a copy of this week’s Readme issue with you and show it to our bouncer. “What about IDs? Won’t we need to show you our IDs? I went through the trouble of making fake IDs in preparation for college life all for nothing?”, my overactive imagination envisions you, the reader, thinking. Obviously, we won't serve alcohol to partygoers if we see their IDs stating that they …

By Phong • Vol 1, Issue 5 • March 27, 2024

The quest to discover new superheavy elements has in the past been analogized to a race. Since the discovery of berkelium, in 1946, scientists from various laboratories around the world have competed, and at times collaborated, to discover new elements, leading to a string of discoveries of element 97 up to element 118. This race, however, has slowed to a halt after the most recent discovery, element 117, tennessine, in 2009. In 2017, the director of Riken, Dr. Hideto En’yo, not only announced that the search for element 119 had begun, but that elements 119 and 120 would be discovered …