Daniel Yin
Staffwriter
Bio
Unknowable and mysterious.
Latest
Horseshoe Theory Finally Useful
Shockingly, the first and only legitimate use of horseshoe theory is actually related to horses. While a horse of medium health may provide companionship and funny videos for Instagram Reels, it's been determined that the optimal horse health for very profitable horse activities is either very low or very high. Therefore, to maximize your horsebased income, you should either pamper your horses with the freshest ryegrass or let them loose in your neighbor's lawn as is appropriate to your horse business sector.
CMU covers Cut and Mall in sand, citing "Being Outside" epidemic
In a rare stretch of good weather, Carnegie Mellon students have taken it upon themselves to spend their limited free time "touching grass." Although students largely found going outside to be enjoyable, CMU's administration identified several insidious drawbacks of the practice. As a result, the university coated the most popular lounging areas, the Cut and the Mall, with a layer of silt.
The administration often uses days with nice weather for promotional photos of campus, which could be adversely affected by the presence of students. University Communications and Marketing research has shown that the presence of students lying down …