Cindy Gao
they/them primarily, whatever makes the bit work secondarily
Staffwriter
behavioral economics (like econ but if you assume people are kinda stupid!), creative writing (what some would term "lying"), DC '27
Bio
perhaps better known as auntie readme. almost certainly not a cat.
Fun fact
two lies and a truth: i have a perfect record of dying in every edition of every readme that i've appeared in, i'm still running from whatever i unleashed that one time i stole an eldritch book from wean 2 (help), and as a humanities student, each time i
Location
rapidly approaching yours!
Contact
cindygao@andrew.cmu.edu
Latest
Auntie ReadMe Advises On: Lack of Pronouns in the Barista Industry Due to Tech Layoffs
Hello valued readers! I’m Cindy, (they/them), better known as Auntie ReadMe. After opening my inbox to the questions that are stumping the best and brightest minds in the country, I have been continually disappointed against my lowest expectations, and not at all surprised. A completely unastonishing amount of you want to know how to make pipe bombs. Even more of you want me to commit AIVs for you in the name of defusing a bomb. Figures, but I can’t even find the terminal on my computer.
However, there has been one problem amidst the slag that has caught my …
Auntie Readme’s: Answering REAL Questions Asked By REAL Freshmen
Welcome, freshmen, to the most prestigious institution this side of the Monongahela River! (And this side of the Allegheny as well, and the other side of Forbes, and the other other side of Schenley, and, well, you get the point.) Some of you are probably (understandably!) nervous about going to the school that spawned the monstrosity known as the Duolingo owl, has an inscription on one of its buildings suggesting that women should be responsible for “domestic pleasures” or whatever, and has had almost every one of its buildings flooded, and those of you who aren’t are beyond my help …
Auntie ReadMe’s: How To Participate In Carnival Traditions
Well, it’s really a shame that I died under “mysterious circumstances” the week before Carnival, because dying kind of sucks and there are several Carnival traditions that center it, such as “the crucifixion of every member of the losing booth orgs on their leftover pieces of wood.” That’s okay though, because whether you’re a freshman eager to escape your academic hazing for a weekend or a senior who wants to make the most of the rest of your time here, I have tips on several of Carnival’s tamer traditions!
Douse A Pre-Frosh
This carnival tradition involves finding tours …
Auntie ReadMe’s: A Conversation With Dr. Et. Al
After being suspended from the Guild of Advice Columnists for “giving bad advice” because “you can’t just lie” or something and “several people have died as a result of going along with something this column said and that means you can legally be charged with manslaughter” and other silly allegations like that, I’ve decided to not do a Notes app apology or make a video apology or something–don’t have the energy for that. Instead, I’m outsourcing this week’s advice column to the world’s most renowned scientist, Dr. Et. Al!
AUNTIE README: Hello, it’s a pleasure to have you …
Auntie Readme's Ten Things They Never Taught You In High School
While schools drill certain indisputable facts, such as “the moon landing was filmed at Area 51” and “Ted Cruz’s father was involved in the JFK assassination” into the impressionable young minds, they also peddle deceit, push conspiracy theories, and propagate outright falsehoods. Fortunately, I am here with the world’s premier scientist to educate you on ten things the high school curriculum certainly didn’t cover!
MYTH: Humans only use 10% of their brains.
FACT: Humans actually use 0% of their brains at any given time. We’re more bacteria than cell, and it is the bacterial hivemind that’s keeping the …
Auntie readme's Advice
After having been summarily shot for giving advice purely off of the terminally online references in my head, and having been resurrected by a joint effort of ReadMe staff and the biochemical engineering majors due to staff shortages, I am now fully embracing the magic of science and consulting with experts in their fields!*
*Their fields being anxiety, mostly. †
How long is too long for a handshake? Am I gripping too hard? Is it too late to switch the eye I'm making eye contact with right now?
Ideally, a nice firm handshake should last until either …
Auntie Readme's Advice Column
The people have asked questions and I, having no knowledge about anything in my head save for a handful of terminally online references, have found it fitting for me to respond as confidently as possible. Here goes!
should i take a job at lockheed martin if they offer me $300k a year 🤔
Military-industrial complex? I find it quite simple, actually. You and I have very different problems and I am unqualified to advise on yours. I direct you to my official Dietrich merch, reading “My major may not make money, but is too impractical …