Alex Werth
📍 In the nearest pool
God's silliest soldier and most powerful poster creator
Mechanical, Biomedical, & Secret Third Kind of Engineering, 2028
He/him
Bio
I study things that let me build things. I do an unhealthy amount of clubs. Do not throw food in the enclosure. Known Aliases: Alexander Wieland Werth, Alexander Wilhelm Werth, Alexandra Warner Werth, Alexander ‘Wasseranalogon Des Reinkarnationszyklus’ Werth
Fun Fact
borger :thumbs_up:
Previous Work
I used to hate French People
I used to hate French people. As a young denizen of the internet, I spent time in circles that enjoyed ragging on the country and its citizens, and those sentiments festered into my own twisted anger at people I’d never even met. I jeered in history classes, bullied internet strangers, hell, once I bought a $6.95 flag just to burn it in my yard and spit on the ashes. You’d be forgiven for think...
FAST and RAW Romance Advice
Readers of ReadMe, you know that we’ve always promised you an educational, engaging, and deadly serious article of the highest standards. On this special occasion, we promise no differently. This is all the advice you deserve to handle romance and love in your life.
YOU are failing to communicate. No matter what you try so hard to believe. Your partner is always expressing their ...
To My 8 A.M.s:
Up! We are Up! I cheer myself to rise At the crack of seven-twenty, ‘Fore the sun has hit the skies,
On a wonderous new Monday, I’m triumphantly awake In sheer elation for the 8am that I – with no especially strong feelings – Take.
A truly magical day awaits, that starts at lovely number 8.
—
Up! We are Up! I beg myself to rise At the hour of seven-forty, Peeling cr...
A Miracle Christmas Gift: Nearly-Perfect Finals
Wednesday morning, students across CMU campus awoke to an incredible email resting in their inboxes: “You’re done with finals!” Sent from a gibberish address, the messages contained only roughly-scanned notes written on sheet paper. In large looping cursive text and taped-on Polaroids, these letters told students that their last commitments had all been completely taken care of. For some, ...
Snowman animated by rogue BME students
At 3 am on Wednesday, 12/05, a team of exhausted BME student researchers made a major leap in genetic engineering, by successfully animating a snowman. The snow creature – humanoid with rounded limbs, standing around four feet tall – is powered by the highly bioengineered carrot forming its ‘nose’. The carrot was heavily cross-modified with mushroom and slime mold DNA. It grew an extensive, pr...
Grandma's Secret Recipes, Volume 167
Sweet Surprise Chili 2 lbs ground beef 1 lb venison, fresh 2 cans red tomatoes (none of those damn other colors) 1 can sweet corn kernels 1 pack bacon 1 carton steel nails (add rust for flavor) ½ carton milk 2 tbsp garlic salt 2 tbsp lard
Melt lard in bottom of crock pot. Mix beef and venison with salt, add to bottom of pot, brown. Add remaining ingredients, stir to mix. Attach lid wit
The yearly CMU black market finals guide
Welcome, dear one, to the last academic guide you will ever need.
In this trying season of finals and term projects – when time is short, energy wanes, and we remain besieged by our thanksgiving-fueled, Celsius-charged gut microbiomes – conventional academics are no longer viable. This compendium, brought to you after immense struggle and a dash of bloodshed with campus security, is you...
Maggie Mo Daycare Lemonade Stands Busted
Carnegie Mellon University, humble home to a rambunctious fourteen thousand students from across the world, manages a tight ship on its campus. CMU has risen to international acclaim thanks to its remarkable near-abstinence from off-campus travel, partying, and many other plagues of state schools. This abstinence is in no small part due to our proud CMUPD. This past Monday, police successfully ...
Texas Instruments Threats, and Bombs, Rapidly Defused
Texas Instruments Incorporated. Beloved creator of worldwide-use calculators, fine electrical equipment, and high explosives.
In this week that will forever go down in history, TI merged its fields of expertise into one product to blow them all away: The TI-C4s, a new line of explosive-rigged calculators. And CMU – the unique, insane school it is – has turned their plot completely on it...