Greeshma
she/her
Staffwriter
Chemical Engineering, 2029
Bio
Greeshma was bought by your mom and placed in direct sunlight yesterday. She's already dehydrated. Unlike Pinocchio, she wishes she wasn't real, and indulges in escapism via investigative journalism.
Fun fact
Greeshma once almost saved a life, but she didn't make the cut
Location
Your Nightstand
Latest
The Spinning Jenny is sapphic, actually.
The story you’ve been told about the Spinning Jenny is a lie.
Years of queer erasure and the narratives of straight men have hidden the true lesbian love story that is the Spinning Jenny. While your history books tell you that it was a yarnspinning device invented by James Hargreaves, this is a lie. The true inventor of Jenny? Why, Jenny, of course.
Jenny may have pretended to be careless when she dropped a spinning wheel on its side, but she was actually a mechanical genius, enabling the eight-spindled invention that would revolutionize the cotton industry.
When …
Anti-sex beds "not needed" for CMU Olympics
With the recent decision to move the Olympics to Carnegie Mellon’s campus in Pittsburgh, many are asking questions about how CMU plans to prevent the infamous athlete orgies that occur during the games.
In the past, the International Olympic Committee has seen fit to implement cardboard beds that break with the weight of multiple people or strenuous physical activity, under the guise of their “sustainability”. One athlete, Danish figure skater Ahn Derink, was dreading their return.
“Why put so many hot, young, muscular athletes in the same place if you don’t want them to fuck?” asks Derink, when …
Researchers discover brief existence of Marnegie Cellon
Scientists have been studying unusual patterns of molecules in space for decades now, which tend to be artifacts of well-known universal phenomena, like supernovas.
However, one of the latest studies of these molecular “fingerprints” has yielded a result far more surprising than anyone could have ever imagined: A specific arrangement of particles that must have been an exact replica of Carnegie Mellon floating free in space some couple million years ago.
If that seems impossible, you’re not alone. Dr. Fizicks Nuerhd was startled, too, but explains that while incredibly unlikely, it is fully possible for random atoms floating …
Fruity Take on CMU Housing
Back when Welch's was just a grape juice company, Andrew Carnegie was their biggest fan. In fact, in 1905, he built the beloved Welch House in the company's honor (and for a very generous donation) similarly to the Giant Eagle Auditorium or the Trojan Center for the Performing Arts.
Unfortunately, despite Welch House's small capacity, Carnegie's small trade school of white men did not have enough people to fill the dorm. After years of Welch House sitting empty, the 1969 CMU president H. Cortland Matthews decided to get creative.
In the golden age of communism and good guitar …
