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she/her
Staffwriter
Communications, 2038 (master’s program)
Bio
I’m a hard-nosed student journalist. I spend my time cutting through the lies and lying on the Cut.
Fun fact
I dislike poetry.
Location
the oft-forgotten F-tower
Latest
Derealizating
Sometimes you don’t feel like a person. Sometimes you feel like you’re asleep and the people around you are guests on a podcast you forgot to turn off. There are a lot of words for this feeling, and most of them are long words starting with D: dissociation, disassociation, depersonalization, derealization. No one ever bothered to decide on one term. This is because people who derealizate have bigger nothings not to worry about.
Derealizating is portable. You can take it anywhere. As long as there’s a spot in the distance to stare at, you can peel yourself from this …
Throwing a BOO-tiful Networking Mixer
With Halloween just around the corner, underachieving slackers everywhere are throwing parties. Now, horror movies are pretty scary, but I can’t think of anything more frightening than wasting valuable time on “fun” and “leisure”. Worry not, though: there is a way to celebrate Halloween while still maximizing productivity and increasing shareholder value. Invite all your LinkedIn mutuals to a fangtastic networking event!
The decor, food, and activities are important here. They need to say “trick or treat” while also saying “hire me”. Guests can bring bowls of candy with their CV printed on every wrapper. Morally bankrupt attendees can …
I Woke Up and My Butt Print was on the Fence
When I opened my eyes that fateful morning, I saw evidence of last night’s rager all over the room. It looked like your average CMU party. Beakers of titrated Hennessy littered the kitchen table. Kilts were strewn about on the ground, some with accompanying pairs of tartan underwear. Someone cuddled on the couch with a monitor depicting Tank’s sleeping face. I tried to parse my fuzzy memories, but I had no idea how I ended up there.
When I stood up, I felt a cool breeze hit the back of my legs. It struck me as strange, considering I …
War flashbacks to now include midroll ads
There has never been war without trauma. Throughout history, countless soldiers have been kept awake by memories of senseless violence. Many combat veterans cannot hear fireworks or smell burning rubber without recalling the horrors of war. While many people see this as a tragedy, America’s leading advertising firms see it instead as potential for new business opportunities. Now, neuroscientists and marketers are finding ways to take advantage of the ad space created by these veterans’ grief stricken war memories.
Take Cody Daniels: He served two tours in Afghanistan and now suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. Several weeks ago, …
October 29, 1929: "Block Tuesday" Leaves Freshmen Destitute
At Carnegie Mellon University, the end of the 1920s saw unprecedented financial ruin for many first-year students. The meal-block economy had crescendoed throughout the decade, with blocks selling for a whopping 50% of their original worth. Unfortunately, this lucrative exchange could not last forever. The block market imploded, wiping out the assets of many ambitious traders. Freshmen everywhere lost their investments, their savings, and their bananas of varying ripeness.
The crash created a dire economic situation on campus. Thousands showed up to the bread line every day, hoping Au Bon Pain had enough rustic baguettes to sustain them during …