Ryan Chernoff

By Ryan Chernoff • Vol 2, Issue 4 • Oct. 23, 2024

Due to the substantial inquiries regarding the inner workings of ReadMe & Co, I have been chosen to represent the ReadMe Legal Department in disclosing the functions and responsibilities we adhere to in order to maintain ReadMe as a corporation and ensure the continued freedom of all ReadMe employees.

One of the most significant duties of our department is to navigate the bureaucratic Red Tape[1] necessary to ensure ReadMe, the flagship newspaper and namesake of ReadMe & Co, maintains its status as a satirical newspaper and the legal protections that come with it. Of course, similar to most legitimate …

By Ryan Chernoff • Vol 2, Issue 3 • Oct. 2, 2024

It has come to our attention that on September 19th, a ReadMe contractor was caught attempting to commit aggravated robbery for a sum of $5.00 but was thwarted due to their target's lack of cash, Zelle, or Cash App. We deeply apologize for the negative impact of this particular employee as we know the city of Pittsburgh takes great pride in the quality of their criminal activity. We had intended to hire a seasoned professional to contribute to Pittsburgh’s criminal enterprise in a tasteful and constructive way while making up for some of this quarter's heavy losses. However, a lapse …

By Ryan Chernoff • Vol 2, Issue 3 • Oct. 2, 2024

Are you a proud Tartan? Do you like copious amounts of violence? Have you tried to participate in dogfighting but were too concerned about the legality? Fortunately for you, earlier this week ReadMe executives failed to thoroughly read my amendments to the yearly budget and have now approved plans for a new dog-watching ring. Very soon you will be able to enjoy some good old fashioned Scotty-Dog kerfuffles without the downsides of committing a class three felony.

But, you may ask, what exactly is dog-watching and how does it differ from dogfighting? Well, dogfighting is legally classified as engaging …