Robin Notin
Staffwriter
MechE, 2028
Bio
i'm literally just a bird (not a government drone)
Fun Fact
Thinking about carbon fiber
Previous Work
Waking up at 4 AM is very healthy, actually
If you’ve spent any time on the cut you’ve been hounded by upperclassmen who do buggy asking you how tall you are (not a catcall, for the record). You’re in CIT and not one of the lucky few under 5’ 2’’, you’ve been asked to be a mechanic. Now I’m sure you’ve been told about some of the benefits; a great community, parties, hands on experience, parties, engineering experience, and parties. I’m here to tell you the real benefits of being a mechanic: waking up at 4 am.
Do you have problems sleeping? Worry no more. After a few weeks of rolls, you’ll find you can sleep anywhere. Mechanics can be found snoozing on the back of pickup trucks and up against light poles! Is it possible for Buggy to truly be a CMU tradition without sleep deprivation?
The average CMU student only drinks two cups per day. Coffee consumption for buggy mechanics over the weekend is double that! Worried your heart isn’t beating? To be conscious during the day you’ll be consuming so much coffee you’ll never doubt it’s not working again!
Waking up at 4 am both days of the weekend for months at a time is very healthy, actually. Before coming to CMU the last time I went to sleep at 9 pm was elementary school, now it’s every weekend.
Experiences that count (for Experiential Learning)
Mow the cut.
Grow a historically accurate Baroque garden on CFA lawn.
Find a turtle outside of WQED. Take Space Robotics's latest rover for a walk.
Go to the floor meeting your RA insists is mandatory.
Start a multi-level-marketing scheme on the block market.
Finish your homework several days before the deadline.
Repopulate the steam tunnels with bacteria from one spore colony.
Attend a meeting for one of the clubs you’re on the mailing list for.
Talk to Pitt students without being arrogant.
Hey Shorty or Heyyy Shawty CMU Buggy vs Pickup Lines
In a few short weeks, buggy recruitment is going to get in full swing. As a warning, here are some choice phrases heard around the buggy tents that our buggy correspondent swears aren't just lame pickup lines.
“How tall are you?”
“Can you get inside?”
“Are you inside?”
“How well do you fit?”
“Do you have any short friends?”
“We might need to violate your feet.”
“We love freshmen. The more freshman the merrier.”
“Meet me at stever basement 4 am for fun times ;)”
“Ignore the trash bags covering everything.”
“You’re getting no sleep tonight.”
“What is the exact height of your ass?”
“The chairman will meet you outside your dorm at 4 am to drive you.”
“You can’t tell anyone about what we’re doing.”
OCs Accidentally Create a Cult
Friday morning students woke up to the news that regular orientation activities were shut down by CMU PD due to orientation counselors accidentally creating a cult. This decision was made in the wake of Carnegie cup’s carnage. While details are murky, efforts to relocate the fence to Wean’s roof, and an incident regarding Welch students and a penguin from the Pittsburgh zoo.
It is believed that the chaos started Tuesday during an Etower rally. A sudden thunderstorm forced events to be held inside for several hours. Orientation leaders led students in chants ranging from “Who’s got the power?” to detailed descriptions of crushing other dorms.
Local expert in cults, Dr. Col Aid, claims that this was the inciting incident.
“Once Etower’s staff successfully converted their dorm into a cult, the rest of the dorms followed. The results are quite remarkable. Students exhibited similar behaviors by the end of orientation week to individuals who have been cults for half their lives.”
This isn’t Dr. Col Aid’s first time on campus. “Every year there’s a few limbs lost. We put measures into place after that to ensure no further cults were created. At the time we were confident that they’d work.”
Students can be expected to spend the rest of the week at workshops organized by Dr. Col Aid and CAPS. Topics include “how to avoid cults, mlm’s, and phishing schemes” and “for the love of God please don’t set Hamershlag on fire again”
Update to "Ain't gunna work on Saturday"
All week I worked at carnival building my booth
Stayed up till 5am, shaving years off my youth.
Come Friday morning it was time to connect the final piece
But then it was almost shabbos, so I had to cease.
When people started walking in the whole booth collapsed,
The judges disqualified us, just as we feared.
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Double, double, triple pay
Won’t make me work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
It’s shabbos kodesh
Next carnival I was a buggy driver
All Sundays fall and spring I went around the course
But when it was raceday, I felt some remorse.
See I was loaded inside the buggy and carried to hill one,
As they pushed me up hill two, I was done.
It was Friday afternoon, shabbos came without fail
So I crashed into a hay bale.
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
Double, double, triple pay
Won’t make me work on Saturday
Ain’t gonna work on Saturday
It’s shabbos kodesh
Overwhelmed by Irish culture after hearing Kinky Boots once
Though I’ve always considered myself an admirer of Irish culture, I am ashamed to admit I was quite ignorant of its complexities. My appreciation was limited to wearing green on St. Patrick's Day, making offhand comments about leprechauns whenever I saw a rainbow, and eating the occasional potato.
I am ignorant no longer. After being kicked out of Hunt Library when it closed last Friday, I was walking back to my apartment in Oakland when I heard Kinky Boots playing from one of the pubs. It was like a reckoning. Immediately, I was overwhelmed by Irish culture. No longer did I only have a watered down version of Irish culture of leprechauns and four leaf clovers, I was granted an inside look into what Irish culture actually is. I laid in the street, unable to get up, dreaming about spending afternoons in a pub in Dublin, Guinness in hand, watching ships come to port through the fog.
Eventually, I was woken from my stupor when the song ended. I raced back to my apartment to play Kinky Boots in private. I threw out my microwave mashed potatoes, dyed my head red, bought a khaki suit, a flak jacket and a pair of kinky boots.
Now, all I want is to own a farm in rural Ireland. Instead of waking up at 8 AM for 15-213, I want to wake up at dawn to herd my sheep to green pastures with my border collie. Instead of walking through the tunnel system from Gates to Wean, I want to take my Saracen to town through cobbled roads.
I’ve become a changed man. I’ve started eating from Schatz just to try their mashed potatoes and cornbread. I sit in the back of lecture halls, headphones plugged in, listening to Kinky Boots. All I want is to be a part of the jolly Irish culture so beautifully depicted in that song.
Wait. What do you mean it’s about the British?
Students Rush to Buy Sunscreen After Registering for CMU Africa
While the majority of students at CMU register for classes at CMU’s Pittsburgh campus, every year, several students accidently register for classes in CMU-Africa’s Rwanda campus without fail. Scotty’s Market and Entropy report a sunscreen shortage as students rush to buy sunscreen after being advised to prepare for a “warmer climate than Pittsburgh” in an email sent by The University Register’s Office.
ReadMe spoke to several of the students cross registered between continents. “I am functionally illiterate,” said a student who is registered for ICI in Africa Seminar. Another student reported being unable to register for 122 in Pittsburgh, saw Illiano taught in CMU-Africa, and figured 122 there was equivalent. “What do you mean 122 is different in Africa?” None of the students seemed concerned about the walk. Several upperclassmen mentioned that they had classes in the Mellon Institute and, “Africa can’t be that much farther.”
Scotty’s Market is not concerned about buying more sunscreen to compensate for the shortage: “You see this every registration. You won’t be seeing those students again. On the first day of classes, when students have their next class in CMU-Africa, they’ll put on their sunscreen and start walking. And keep on walking, and keep on walking and keep on…”