Jasmine Papino-Wood
Operations Manager, Staffwriter
funny computer beep boop noises, CFA '27 (if all goes to plan)
Bio
i'm the one who wrote the dysphoria article
Fun Fact
fiction
Previous Work
Gender euphoria: humorless humping
Gender Dysphoria is the concept of one’s gender identity within oneself clashing with their perceived or performed gender presented to the outside world. This is a common phenomenon, particularly in the trans and non- binary communities, where this dissonance causes intense discomfort. Common triggers for dysphoria include improper pronoun use, wearing clothing that misaligns with an individual’s gender identity, defining gendered features that contrast one’s identity, and seeing oneself in the mirror/ photos (amongst many others). Gender is a social construct built around societal roles, expectations, and precedents for various demographics. When trans people are faced with triggers that typically align with their sex assigned at birth, or directly contrast their gender identity, dysphoria occurs. With gender roles being so nuanced in modern society, researchers have delved into the minutia of these dynamics. A recent study conducted by Carnegie Mellon’s psychology department has highlighted a direct link between one’s humoristic abilities and the relative dysphoria incurred.
It’s common knowledge that women are not funny. Between royal fools, comedy playwrights, standup comedians, and even workplace banter, humor has always been a man’s job. Given that humor is so blatantly aligned with masculinity, research has shown that trans women experience unprecedented levels of dysphoria when viewed as funny. After several experiments, studies have demonstrated that the more raucous the laughter following a trans woman’s statement is, not only is she more likely to experience dysphoria, but the dysphoria she experiences will be more intense than the typical bouts. One subject stated, “They had a group of us in a room and we were told to crack jokes. When people laughed at what I was saying, I became acutely aware of my penis. The fact that they viewed me as someone intelligent enough to devise wit and produce effective comedy was disheartening because they clearly didn’t view me as a real woman.”
Gender euphoria, conversely, is the feeling of elation that one experiences when their gender identity is affirmed. A secondary study dove into this concept and found an interesting statistic. Women have historically had to deal with subpar sexual experiences, whether it be due to poor performance on their partner’s behalf, stigma and guilt surrounding sexual topics and behavior, and a host of other factors. As a result, a common aspect of a woman’s sexual journey is faking orgasms. This study found that faking orgasms brings trans women extreme levels of gender euphoria. Subjects have reported that they “feel validated by being displeased in bed” and that “faking an orgasm makes [them] feel just like a real woman” which leads researchers to believe this could be a massive breakthrough in the field. Science is always looking to improve the world, whether it be through innovating technology, providing a better understanding of the world, reducing the harm in our communities, and more. These studies are at the cutting edge of LGBTQ+ research in order to improve the experiences of our queer peers. With the new discoveries these researchers have unearthed, we now have new ways to do so. The teams that have worked on these studies posit that for the betterment of the trans community, we need to foster more environments where our trans women can both laugh and cum less.
The Grass is Greyer on the Other Side
Carnegie Mellon University is a globally regarded institution. With one of the best computer science programs in the world, a booming arts scene, and plenty of ways to engage its students, it’s no wonder CMU has such a strong reputation. Not only is this school academically challenging, providing students with adequate rigor to keep them at the forefront of innovation, but it also offers a beautiful campus. With unique sprawling buildings, open walkways, the iconic fence traditionally painted by students, and a library that lights up with rainbow colors at night, Carnegie Mellon is truly a spectacle. One of its proudest features is the expansive lawns. Between the Cut (the main lawn in the front of campus), the CFA Lawn, the Mall, and more, there’s no shortage of greenery to enjoy.
Carnegie Mellon spends roughly $80k on maintaining the grass on campus annually. To many’s dismay, the school has announced that they will be removing all the grass on campus due to a lack of funding in the budget. Students have been speculating that this poor budgeting is due to the expulsion of a former student in the class of 2025 for the use of racial slurs directed at university president Farnam Jahanian. With tuition at the school also being $80k, the working theory is that one student on campus is exclusively responsible for maintaining the grass. With this student having been expelled, CMU can no longer fund the lawns on campus. In the announcement, President Jahanian mentions “CMU is opting for a more industrial look to honor Andrew Carnegie’s steel empire and pay homage to the values of our founder”. With the call to school values, one can’t help but wonder if this is a potential dig at the expelled student so flagrantly violating the code of conduct set at the university. Due to the imminent removal of the grass, several distinct groups have formed on campus, each with their own distinct philosophies. The first of these groups, the “CMU Green Lights,” adamantly opposes the removal of the grass. Members have staged protests involving chaining themselves to blades of grass to prevent the inbound landscaping. A second group, the “Lawnmowers,” is in full support of campus adopting a greyer aesthetic. These students have contacted the local steel mills in an effort to expedite the process, hoping to have a fully grey campus by early 2025.
A third, much smaller group, actually doesn’t care about the fate of the grass on campus. These students have focused on the matter of the expelled student. This group takes issue with the way the situation with the student was handled, arguing that he should not have been expelled to begin with, ultimately avoiding the controversy surrounding the grass. One student suggests: “Mark was a fine student with nothing but care in his heart. The intense passion he put into the upkeep of his gun collection and honoring the tradition of his family (gesturing towards a confederate flag) shows how dedicated Mark was to his community. He was always prim and proper, making sure his sheets stayed extra white and always ironing them so they were as pointy as can be, not a wrinkle in sight. To imagine he was ejected from this school instead of one of those affirmative-action, spot-stealing minorities is a disgrace.”