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Dr. Evil
Staffwriter
Bio
Unknowable and mysterious.
Latest
Innovative research on inducing of maximal misery
With final exams fast approaching, overall misery levels on campus are rising steadily. While CMU is one of the top schools in the nation in overall misery production per student, several changes can be implemented to greatly increase this ratio.
Misery is defined as the aggregate sum of various negative emotions such as stress, sadness, pain, jealousy, and others I don’t really care to list. Examining the misery report from last finals season, CMU generated a large portion of its misery output from stress, which has one of the highest known misery conversion ratios. Stress achieves this by decaying …