Citron
monoecious
Staffwriter
studies in fruitiness and zest, 2029
Bio
Single citron looking for love.
Likes: Long periods standing in the same spot, judaism, mediterranean and asian food
Dislikes: Lemons, people who make weird faces at me (it hurts)
Fun fact
idk, I can upDATE this later right
Location
morocco
Latest
Donner Caretaker misses scheduled feeding time
In a regrettable incident this morning, Donner’s officially appointed caretaker missed the 485th annual Donner Creature feeding, the first feeding he was to perform after succeeding a 2025 graduate. In an exclusive statement to readme, the caretaker stated the reason for missing the feeding time:
“There’s a real baddie that sits next to me in the lecture I got then, y’know? You woulda too. Don’t pull that shit where everyone pretends they wouldn’a done the same thing. I know you woulda.”
He also explained that “it’s a four hundred and eighty-five year old tradition and nobody knows why …
Student devises innovative new method to attend early morning lectures
Early morning lecture: a macabre tragedy that befalls many a student. Some force themselves up in the morning and forge their way there. Some simply give up and sleep through it. One enterprising CMU student has managed to do both.
“I have an 8 am,” says sophomore Juan Merower. “The registration process was traumatic, let me tell you. 3:45 pm registration time, and I had to watch as the good slots trickled away, one by one. 2 pm lecture taken at 3:30. The only lecture left was at… 8 am.”
At this point, he started shuddering, and was …
Help! I woke up naked in Rashid Auditorium! What now?
Waking up naked in Rashid: It happens to the best of us. I, personally, have had this experience at least fourteen times throughout my stay at CMU, so I put together this guide to pass on my knowledge.
Well, you’ve woken up naked in Rashid Auditorium. What do you do?
1. Check your phone.
This should go without saying.
2. Check your surroundings.
Make sure you’re alone. Use any means necessary. Tough luck to any others around, but it’s the name of the game. Trust me: If they’d woken up before you, they would have checked that …
CMU students begin enlisting to improve internship odds
The recent influx of pasty-faced, weak-kneed 18-21 year olds to military recruitment booths has puzzled many. But it seems the phenomenon has a simple explanation: resume building.
“Well, I got rejected from probably three hundred companies,” said one ChemE major we found doing pushups. “Lockheed Martin, Boeing, RTX, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, BAE Systems. Ten rounds of interviews, some of them. So I just got fed up and wondered, well, what can I do to give myself that competitive edge, you know? Beat out the applications with really high GPAs or good jawlines. And it just came to me.”
…Leaked CMRC Plans for Missile Silo Under the Cut
In a shocking discovery this Tuesday, one of our reporters found that Carnegie Mellon Rocket Command has mocked up CAD schematics for a missile silo to be housed underneath The Cut. According to our source, the silo is to be about 30 feet wide and 120 feet deep; it will house one ICBM, with more to be stored in the Stever basement. Its purpose is currently unknown, but experts conjecture that likely targets include the Tartan Express Food Truck and Warner Hall, and the political power gained from the nuclear arsenal may be leveraged for improved aerospace facilities. Lockheed …