Interview with a recent grad
Despite CMU’s robust engineering programs, many recent graduates struggle to find a job right for them. Specifically, a job that doesn’t involve sending missiles to third-world countries. README correspondent Benner Rogers sat down with a recent graduate to find out what makes today’s job market so murderous.
Could you state your name for the record?
Oh, I didn’t think that far ahead. Uh, give me a second…
Did…did you forget your own name?
Shut up. Just call me Engineer or something. Why do you wanna know anyways? What ever happened to privacy? People these days I swear. Uh… Can we just start the interview now?
When did you graduate from Carnegie Mellon?
About a year and a half ago.
And you’ve been looking for a job since then?
Well I’ve gotten a couple, but I haven’t found any that I really want to work with you know? Like, nothing long term. At least, nothing long term that won’t fire me when I start gambling on the clock. Actually, can you strike that last bit from the record? I don’t want my bosses to read that. You can do that, right?
Yeah, we’ll strike it. Now, why haven’t you found a long term job you feel comfortable with?
Because they keep asking me to commit war crimes! Okay, maybe that’s a bit dramatic. But every single job I apply to eventually comes out to be some military contractor working to build Super Bombs™ or something. I’m not even an antimilitary guy, I just don’t want to be the guy who invents the next step towards a nuclear winter. Once I was working on plans to create a more fuel-efficient crop dusting plane to spread pesticides. What would you know? Turns out it was actually for dispersing mustard gas. Another job I was working on had me overseeing construction of a rocket designed to improve location tracking technology. You’ll never guess what that one turned out to be.
Missiles?
FUCKING MISSILES!
It’s absolutely insane!
I’m not going to throw away my morals for a $200,000 paycheck!
How about $300,000?
…No comment.