Morewood Gardens Daycare Bi-annual Hazing Report
Cyert Center for Early Education
Biannual Hazing Report
1060 Morewood Avenue,
Morewood Gardens building
Reporting Period: 05/08/2026 to 09/07/2026
Date of Publication: 09/23/2026
Report 1 of 2
SUBJECT: Boys Pod A
REPORTED: 11/1/2024
DATE CHARGED: 05/10/2026
DATE RESOLVED: 05/23/2026
Description: CMU Ethics Reporting hotline received an anonymous tip after Halloween 2024 with allegations of hazing on a newly integrated member of the daycare. The tip alleged that members attempted to restrain the prospective boy to a tree using Silly String as part of an ongoing day project of decorating for Halloween. The leader of Boys Pod A had confirmed that they tried spraying the aerosol Silly String all over the new member’s body and clothes.
Findings: After nearly two years of internal bickering and deadlock regarding the broken coffee machines, the Cyert Center has determined that, even though there was a lot of Silly String reported, Little Timmy should have had more than enough upper body strength to reasonably exercise his duty to retreat instead of scrunching up into a ball.
Outcome: No members of Boys Pod A were found guilty of hazing. All charges were dropped upon the conclusion of the investigation. Meanwhile, Timmy has since graduated and received notice of the decision while in the middle of first grade math class.
Status: Boys Pod A will retain their membership as a clique in the Cyert Center.
Report 2 of 2
SUBJECT: Boys Pod A
REPORTED: 11/1/2024
DATE CHARGED: 05/10/2026
DATE RESOLVED: 05/23/2026
Description: The Cyert Center Hazing Reporting email address received an email from a concerned parent regarding an incident that occurred during Fourth of July celebrations. The email alleged that all members were forced to chug 12 fluid ounces of apple juice in 5 minutes as a “I’ve seen my dad and his friends do this before on July 4” ceremony. The email alleged that their child, who had already drunk a full juice box an hour prior, involuntarily allowed the discharge of bodily fluids due to being outside, surrounded by peers, and without easy access to latrines, and subsequently was humiliated by the other members for several hours until being picked up at 5:30 PM.
Findings: The Cyert Center questioned several members of Boys Pod C, who gave conflicting reports over who authorized the apple juice chugging contest and whether members had an obligation to participate or finish. The parent also refused to identify their child despite the center’s insistence. The parent’s last name is shared with several members of Boys Pod C, so they were unable to identify the hazing victim. Outcome: Despite a lack of conclusive evidence, the Cyert Center has decided to indefinitely suspend the supply of apple juice to Boys Pod C, in favor of Horizon Chocolate Milk. The reasoning behind this is that, of course, we all remember the embarrassment of peeing our pants. As such, replacing the consumed fluid with a lactose-based alternative will obviously discourage this behavior in the future.
Status: Boys Pod C retain their status as a clique, but have been indirectly punished by having to consume Horizon chocolate milk, which may or may not be recalled soon due to spoilage and botulism allegations against the company.