Opinion: Global Warming Can't Come Soon Enough
Have you ever gone outside and thought to yourself “Wow, it’s cold”? Likely not; that was a rhetorical question. However, if you were to hazard a venture outside right now, I imagine you would think that, and that makes us compatriots.
There seems to be a popular trend spread by liberals right now, of bitching and whining about climate change and all of its terrible implications. One cannot help but wonder what it is about global warming that petrifies liberals so. Does its promise of warmth remind them of the warmth with which their mother once caressed them, and such a prospect terrify them? Does its promise of properties acquired cheaply a mile inland becoming valuable beachfronts frighten them? Do they hate Atlantis, Venice, and other such aquatically themed locations of cultural significance?
Here is what I have to say to you, liberals: stop being so conservative. Stop being so resistant to change; let the future come, for you cannot stop it in any case. We are on a trolley barreling towards destiny, a trolley whose inexpensive Florida properties are guaranteed at least 200% returns, a trolley whose switch puts it not on a path without climate change but a path without liberals.
In the face of such fearmongering as we see now, we must stay factual and logical, and ask the question: how can climate change lead to wildfires and extreme rainfall, droughts and storms? Do these not cancel out? I believe it is clear upon inspection that climate change’s effects are not so serious as they may seem (on average). Among the millions of species, we will not miss a few (especially the kind found in the Arctic and Antarctica, nobody goes there anyway). The Pittsburgh winter, we can all agree, could definitely use a few degrees extra. And my properties a mile inland in Florida, or actually those belonging to anyone, well, if they happen to have a hike in value, nobody’s complaining. That’s not the important thing, though.
So, dear reader, the question I pose to you: How many liberals does it take to change a climate? I say none: It only takes you.