Local school defends diaper-wearing mascot from furry allegations
For schools all over the country, sports mascots represent a sense of school spirit and athletic pride. For Doherty Regional High School, however, their mascot represents something else: the ongoing debate about what constitutes a furry.
In order to investigate the situation, I did some field reporting and attended a DRHS football game. Doherty Regional’s home team, the Diaperwolves, played hard and beat the opposing team 23-16. Despite the team’s stellar performance, the crowd seemed focused on one thing and one thing only: DRHS’s mascot, Desmond the Diaperwolf. Someone, presumably an underpaid gym teacher, stood in front of the bleachers dressed like a wolf. Not just any wolf, though. This wolf sported a giant cloth diaper, complete with working safety pins.
The more I looked, the more I realized that many people attended the games just for Desmond. A slew of young people in fursuits crowded around the poor costumeclad staff member, begging for their Discord handle. One of them offered Desmond a beaded Kandi arm cuff of his likeness. Another produced a sketchbook filled with drawings of Desmond, the contents of which I will not describe further. Curious as to whether this was a regular occurrence, I tracked down the school’s principal, Steven Lewandowski, and asked him about Desmond’s popularity.
Upon hearing my question, Lewandowski immediately began rubbing his temples. “I don’t know who those animal kids are,” he said, “but I wish they’d stop coming to games. They’re ruining the reputation of our mascot.” He went on to explain the rich history of the Diaperwolves. “This town was home to the first diaper factory in America, and we wanted to honor our industrial past. The wolf part was just because wolves are badass. I mean, you’d rather it be a wolf than a gay animal like a penguin. Have you heard what those f—s do in Antarctica?” After being redirected to the topic at hand, Lewandowski offered a statement on behalf of DRHS. “Listen. Our mascot represents the pride that we have in our school and our town. We won’t let it be corrupted and turned into something it’s not.”
Editor’s note: Shortly after Ms. Blu conducted her interview, the Desmond costume went missing and was subsequently spotted at a local convention. Steven Lewandowski has been charged with grand larceny.