"It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” author, on cannibalism • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • TechSpark welding class closes due to numerous math students attempting to make Klein bottles • Megachurch forms PokéStop • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds • UN rejects Readme bit for diplomatic immunity • Carnegie Mellon Athletics unable to record result for game since nobody was in attendance • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Biology department recommends students engineer another pandemic for finals reprieve, extra credit offered • CMU History Dept. buys new textbooks with oddly attractive pictures of Andrew Carnegie • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Rope and stool salesmen loitering outside particularly difficult finals • Tenth dentist speaks out • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • CMU sends too many acceptance letters, Class of 2029 cancelled • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • QUIZ: What your opinions on the scrotal asmmetry of statues says about you! • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid. • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” author, on cannibalism • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • TechSpark welding class closes due to numerous math students attempting to make Klein bottles • Megachurch forms PokéStop • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds. • UN rejects Readme bit for diplomatic immunity. • Carnegie Mellon Athletics unable to record result for game since nobody was in attendance • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show. • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Biology department recommends students engineer another pandemic for finals reprieve, extra credit offered • CMU History Dept. buys new textbooks with oddly attractive pictures of Andrew Carnegie • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Rope and stool salesmen loitering outside particularly difficult finals • Tenth dentist speaks out • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • CMU sends too many acceptance letters, Class of 2029 cancelled • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • QUIZ: What your opinions on the scrotal asmmetry of statues says about you!
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