Readme Wins Gold

Armed Martial Arts Clubs' Membership Skyrockets as new policy allows students to challenge AIVs by dueling • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • November 4th is coming up and it's giving me an election • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • President Farnam spotted frequenting Carnival Parties • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • Student who once contemplated an evening of self­care and early sleep now facing the consequences of shitty time management • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Drinking in Young Adult Duos Study discovers new kind of alcohol poisoning • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • "I'm still alive guys," Elvis, 1978 • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Rest in Peace Buddy • Carnegie Mellon police to be given tank to deal with unruly freshmen • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030 • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Californians Sigh in Relief as CMU Students Return to Campus • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • Meta-­analysis of several studies conclude that Gen Alpha sucks at drinking • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is) • Student spends 7 hours working up the courage to make a phone call, recipient doesn't answer • Modern Romeo and Juliet Thwarted by Ring Camera • Armed Martial Arts Clubs' Membership Skyrockets as new policy allows students to challenge AIVs by dueling • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • November 4th is coming up and it's giving me an election. • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • President Farnam spotted frequenting Carnival Parties • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • Student who once contemplated an evening of self­care and early sleep now facing the consequences of shitty time management • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Drinking in Young Adult Duos Study discovers new kind of alcohol poisoning • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • "I'm still alive guys," Elvis, 1978 • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Rest in Peace Buddy • Carnegie Mellon police to be given tank to deal with unruly freshmen. • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030. • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Californians Sigh in Relief as CMU Students Return to Campus. • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • Meta-­analysis of several studies conclude that Gen Alpha sucks at drinking. • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid. • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is). • Student spends 7 hours working up the courage to make a phone call, recipient doesn't answer • Modern Romeo and Juliet Thwarted by Ring Camera