Readme Gets Absurd

CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • Tenth dentist speaks out • Kanye up to something • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot • Lube offered for Wean holes • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • CMU linguistics department finishes 70 year project to translate ancient Egyptian porno • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • New fraternity party house indistinguishable from background to ISIS execution video • Excessive lead found in the food and water of JFC • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • TechSpark welding class closes due to numerous math students attempting to make Klein bottles • Prosecutor agrees to downgrade Capital Grains to 1st Degree Grains • King Charles III to consider castling • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-­separated divorcees • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • Man-Woman Interaction institute forced to extrapolate from low sample size • Top ten reels from the five hundred that you still haven't responded to • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • Woman with 17,000 tinder matches gets her accounted deleted, makes a grinder account instead • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • Elves join UAW Local 1701 • In stunning move, Ron DeSantis Promises to Abort Pregnant Mothers • How to tell if your reform rabbi is a lesbian (she is) • Reindeer waste on Epstein Island raises concerns • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • Tenth dentist speaks out • Kanye up to something • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot. • Lube offered for Wean holes. • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • CMU linguistics department finishes 70 year project to translate ancient Egyptian porno • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • New fraternity party house indistinguishable from background to ISIS execution video • Excessive lead found in the food and water of JFC • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • TechSpark welding class closes due to numerous math students attempting to make Klein bottles • Prosecutor agrees to downgrade Capital Grains to 1st Degree Grains • King Charles III to consider castling • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid. • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-­separated divorcees • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • Man-Woman Interaction institute forced to extrapolate from low sample size. • Top ten reels from the five hundred that you still haven't responded to • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video. • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • Woman with 17,000 tinder matches gets her accounted deleted, makes a grinder account instead • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • Elves join UAW Local 1701. • In stunning move, Ron DeSantis Promises to Abort Pregnant Mothers • How to tell if your reform rabbi is a lesbian (she is). • Reindeer waste on Epstein Island raises concerns. • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration