Readme Gets Absurd

Students shocked to learn ChatGPT is a harsher grader than 98% of CMU professors • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Engineering of murder too well set up; MechE majors absolved • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • Physics department studies aerodynamics of unpopular physics professor • "I hate campus dining" says student eating third Hunan meal of day • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Actual fire in Morewood; No one leaves this time • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • King Charles III to consider castling • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • C@CMU: CMU's cultural touchstone • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot • "Exciting new internship abroad!" says ROTC • README Purchases Scottish Terrier Mascot • I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too! • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Californians Sigh in Relief as CMU Students Return to Campus • Homeless Ph.D. student holds fence for record 5 years, fails quals • My dad got both anthrax and smallpox shots, and they didn't even protect him from the IED • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor­-in­-Chief • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Students shocked to learn ChatGPT is a harsher grader than 98% of CMU professors • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Engineering of murder too well set up; MechE majors absolved. • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • Physics department studies aerodynamics of unpopular physics professor • "I hate campus dining" says student eating third Hunan meal of day • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines. • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Actual fire in Morewood; No one leaves this time. • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee. • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • King Charles III to consider castling • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • C@CMU: CMU's cultural touchstone • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot. • "Exciting new internship abroad!" says ROTC. • README Purchases Scottish Terrier Mascot. • I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too! • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Californians Sigh in Relief as CMU Students Return to Campus. • Homeless Ph.D. student holds fence for record 5 years, fails quals • My dad got both anthrax and smallpox shots, and they didn't even protect him from the IED • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor­-in­-Chief • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death