Finals Week Sestina
As I enter the cold concrete cervix of Wean,
the gold plaque of Raymond smells my fear.
I order a coffee that’ll make me shit
out all my self loathing and lack of sleep.
I don’t think I’ve retained a thing from this class.
It might be worth risking the …
CMU covers Cut and Mall in sand, citing "Being Outside" epidemic
In a rare stretch of good weather, Carnegie Mellon students have taken it upon themselves to spend their limited free time "touching grass." Although students largely found going outside to be enjoyable, CMU's administration identified several insidious drawbacks of the practice. As a result, the university coated the most popular …
![May I offer you a George Michael in these trying times? [photo of a cute dog]](/media/vol3/issue2/images/GeorgeTryingTimes_8zLAVFo.png)
The US Department of Defense has recently concluded its emergency internal election to find a worthy successor to the previous war crime scapegoat who unexpectedly died this year. The election was hastily called because there were no contingency plans in case the last scapegoat died, as no one at the …
![[TODO]](/media/vol3/issue3/images/thekids_HhCa444.png)
