Readme Gets Absurd

English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • CMU to sponsor "Twelve-­Hours-­Straight-­Of-­Drinking" event to get rid of stigma that we are a nerd school • The Underground meets newest competitor, the Aboveceiling • Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike • New StuCo 99­042 announced: "What they DON'T Teach You in CMU StuCos" • Rabbi hot?! • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Garden tour: the fridge you haven't cleaned out since winter break • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • "Readme more popular than the Beatles", Jesus claims • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband • Gelt still more real than crypto • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • TikTok caught selling data to Santa to determine Naughty/Nice list • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is) • 98­304 "How to get through red tape" StuCo finally confirmed after years long bureaucratic battle with CMU • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines • Statue of Liberty deported • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot. • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • CMU to sponsor "Twelve-­Hours-­Straight-­Of-­Drinking" event to get rid of stigma that we are a nerd school • The Underground meets newest competitor, the Aboveceiling • Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike • New StuCo 99­042 announced: "What they DON'T Teach You in CMU StuCos". • Rabbi hot?! • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Garden tour: the fridge you haven't cleaned out since winter break • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video. • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • "Readme more popular than the Beatles", Jesus claims • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline. • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband. • Gelt still more real than crypto. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • TikTok caught selling data to Santa to determine Naughty/Nice list. • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is). • 98­304 "How to get through red tape" StuCo finally confirmed after years long bureaucratic battle with CMU • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes. • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning. • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines. • Statue of Liberty deported. • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says