Paddington 2 makes Citizen Kane look like Paddington 1 • Local first-year unable to use restroom without the lulling of reels from adjacent stalls • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • I don't know how to spell Renassance either, French people assure us • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • How to choose the most poetic sequence of four groups to persecute • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • MAHA movement vows to move Stack'd off-campus to lower student obesity • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Genius CMU undergrad launches "sex-as-a-service" startup • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona' • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Kanye up to something • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • SCC warns that buggy drivers may find themselves behind the wheel of a large automobile, and that booth chairs may find themselves in a beautiful house • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • In devastating blow to CMU culture, freshmen are allowed to talk to upperclassmen • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • District Attorney unable to rule out murder as Buggy Alumni Association hit • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • "Wean Eight-Floor Dash in event of broken elevators" to become Olympic sport • Paddington 2 makes Citizen Kane look like Paddington 1. • Local first-year unable to use restroom without the lulling of reels from adjacent stalls. • Having a single thought about 15-122 now considered an AIV • I don't know how to spell Renassance either, French people assure us. • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • How to choose the most poetic sequence of four groups to persecute • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • MAHA movement vows to move Stack'd off-campus to lower student obesity • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband. • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Genius CMU undergrad launches "sex-as-a-service" startup. • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona'. • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Kanye up to something • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay. • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • SCC warns that buggy drivers may find themselves behind the wheel of a large automobile, and that booth chairs may find themselves in a beautiful house • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • In devastating blow to CMU culture, freshmen are allowed to talk to upperclassmen • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes. • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • District Attorney unable to rule out murder as Buggy Alumni Association hit. • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • "Wean Eight-Floor Dash in event of broken elevators" to become Olympic sport.
In a landslide victory, George Michael has successfully secured his victory in the 2024 Presidential Election. This marks the first time a third-party candidate has ever won a presidential election in United States History. Michael is also the first animal to reach the position of Commander in Chief since Garfield’s …
In 1967, an offshore platform in the North Sea was seized by a pirate radio operator. This would become the Principality of Sealand, an unrecognized micronation. Recently, CMU's administration was struck with inspiration, and decided to secede from the United States, to form its own micronation.