Readme Gets Absurd

Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Modern Romeo and Juliet Thwarted by Ring Camera • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • Statue of Liberty deported • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • Reindeer waste on Epstein Island raises concerns • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • 98­304 "How to get through red tape" StuCo finally confirmed after years long bureaucratic battle with CMU • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following record­setting 7 students enrolled • Naughty List leaked • The best clubs to join where you can get people to do your homework for you • Hilbert Hotel relocated to Doherty • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • CMU passes the Bechdel test after Margaret Morrison merger • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • You could be sledding right now, but you're not • Carnival rides now include the Throngler, the Impaly­Stabber, and the Twist • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • "Nobody's seen the drama students in a month, should we check on them?", says concerned RA • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Student’s handwriting so bad they accidentally created a cypher • Academic Office allows you to superscore GPA and BAC during Carnival only • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Modern Romeo and Juliet Thwarted by Ring Camera • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • REPORT: If Kamala really wanted my vote, she wouldn’t’ve made me late to class • Statue of Liberty deported. • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • Reindeer waste on Epstein Island raises concerns. • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • 98­304 "How to get through red tape" StuCo finally confirmed after years long bureaucratic battle with CMU • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following record­setting 7 students enrolled • Naughty List leaked. • The best clubs to join where you can get people to do your homework for you. • Hilbert Hotel relocated to Doherty • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • CMU passes the Bechdel test after Margaret Morrison merger. • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • You could be sledding right now, but you're not. • Carnival rides now include the Throngler, the Impaly­Stabber, and the Twist. • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • "Nobody's seen the drama students in a month, should we check on them?", says concerned RA • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Student’s handwriting so bad they accidentally created a cypher • Academic Office allows you to superscore GPA and BAC during Carnival only