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KGB Presents: readme
Editor in Chief: Eshaan Joshi
All the news unfit to print!
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CMU To Construct New, Shittier Donner


README buys Farnam's Hair? Cost of CMU Leader's Locks

In the days following README's bankruptcy, many questions have arisen, such as "how,” "why,” and "what's the difference between a marmot and a gopher.” The answer to at least two of these questions has recently come to light: Farnam's hair. It is still unclear why the hair of CMU's …

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Maggie Mo Daycare Lemonade Stands Busted

Carnegie Mellon University, humble home to a rambunctious fourteen thousand students from across the world, manages a tight ship on its campus. CMU has risen to international acclaim thanks to its remarkable near-abstinence from off-campus travel, partying, and many other plagues of state schools. This abstinence is in no small …

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White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • Year 84 of nobody named Oscar winning an Oscar • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Physics department studies aerodynamics of unpopular physics professor • Rope and stool salesmen loitering outside particularly difficult finals • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Deer given proper therapy and antidepressants significantly less likely to freeze in front of cars. • POLLS: President May Be Elected • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Why you should propose to that girl you just met: A dating guide for first­week students • King Charles III to consider castling • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show. • "Nobody's seen the drama students in a month, should we check on them?", says concerned RA • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • Mrs. Claus revealed to actually be Amy Schumer •