Readme Gets Absurd

Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Forbes Avenue crosswalk announcer elated to finally have purpose again • Actual fire in Morewood; No one leaves this time • Campus activist group disappointed after navigating bureaucratic hurdles to register protest only for less than 25 people to show up • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • Unethical P-hacking in science and society: a critical analysis of the tortoise and the hare • Creator of Bradford pear tree amongst first to be killed on invention of time travel • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Seeing Lockheed Martin successes, Al­Qaeda to begin recruiting students on LinkedIn • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded • Noah complains that God's 'gone woke' after Ark flooded • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Carnegie Mellon Athletics unable to record result for game since nobody was in attendance • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona' • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Professor Iliano Cervesato applies for an RA position in E-Tower following Carnegie Cup Cheating Allegations • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • King Charles III to consider castling • Rest in Peace Buddy • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • SDC buggy design leaked on War Thunder forum • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Forbes Avenue crosswalk announcer elated to finally have purpose again. • Actual fire in Morewood; No one leaves this time. • Campus activist group disappointed after navigating bureaucratic hurdles to register protest only for less than 25 people to show up. • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • Unethical P-hacking in science and society: a critical analysis of the tortoise and the hare. • Creator of Bradford pear tree amongst first to be killed on invention of time travel. • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Seeing Lockheed Martin successes, Al­Qaeda to begin recruiting students on LinkedIn • Incoming SCS welcome packet now includes map of showers on campus • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded. • Noah complains that God's 'gone woke' after Ark flooded. • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Carnegie Mellon Athletics unable to record result for game since nobody was in attendance • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona'. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • Student uses AI to write suicide note, gets posthumous AIV • Professor Iliano Cervesato applies for an RA position in E-Tower following Carnegie Cup Cheating Allegations. • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • King Charles III to consider castling • Rest in Peace Buddy • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • SDC buggy design leaked on War Thunder forum. • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines. • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits