Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Martha Stewart cleared of all murder charger between 1995-96 • Sweepstakes Chair bans buggy-driving amputees, claiming they have competitive advantage • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • Farnam Jahanian declared President for Life by Board of Trustees, immediately begins purges • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Rabbi hot?! • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • End of semester reflection: That O-week situationship was a really good idea • Mom if I find the afikomen can I have my turn on the space laser • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • How to Increase your home's retail value by NOT murdering people in it • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Post-Gazette editorial board devastated to discover Hitler not endorseable candidate for 2028 • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • Scotty dissection reveals eerily human skeleton inside • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • CMU football wins ten consecutive Heismans, CMU students still not going to games • Kanye up to something • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Robotics students shocked half their projects are just reskinned guns • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • New fraternity party house indistinguishable from background to ISIS execution video • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • Hasbro publishes internship rejection trading card game • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Martha Stewart cleared of all murder charger between 1995-96. • Sweepstakes Chair bans buggy-driving amputees, claiming they have competitive advantage • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • Farnam Jahanian declared President for Life by Board of Trustees, immediately begins purges • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • Rabbi hot?! • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning. • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • End of semester reflection: That O-week situationship was a really good idea. • Mom if I find the afikomen can I have my turn on the space laser. • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • How to Increase your home's retail value by NOT murdering people in it. • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Post-Gazette editorial board devastated to discover Hitler not endorseable candidate for 2028. • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • Scotty dissection reveals eerily human skeleton inside. • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • CMU football wins ten consecutive Heismans, CMU students still not going to games. • Kanye up to something • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • Robotics students shocked half their projects are just reskinned guns • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • New fraternity party house indistinguishable from background to ISIS execution video • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • Hasbro publishes internship rejection trading card game. • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame. • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline. • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals
