Duct tape, gags and other gifts for your conservative relatives • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Rabbi hot?! • Modern Romeo and Juliet Thwarted by Ring Camera • TikTok caught selling data to Santa to determine Naughty/Nice list • Investors in shambles as numbers aren't going up • OpenAI introduces AI-powered rubber duck trained on millions of rubber duck responses • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • Carnival will be a nice time to decompress, says student planning on staying up for 72 straight hours to build a two story house • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • In catastrophic scheduling snafu, every club at CMU has scheduled a meeting for the exact same time and date; "we really couldn't have predicted this", says student who scheduled a GBM for 5 pm on a Monday • Professor Iliano Cervesato applies for an RA position in E-Tower following Carnegie Cup Cheating Allegations • With CMU named as "New Ivy" by Forbes, efforts underway to inflate QPAs and decrease minority enrollment • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • readme too single to have Valentine's Day Edition • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • “I don’t have any finals this semester, just two projects, three papers…” • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • In stunning move, Ron DeSantis Promises to Abort Pregnant Mothers • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • A numbered list of my favorite types of bullet points and a bulleted list of my favorite types of numbers • Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike • Supreme Court overturns Naughty List affirmative action • Duct tape, gags and other gifts for your conservative relatives. • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • Rabbi hot?! • Modern Romeo and Juliet Thwarted by Ring Camera • TikTok caught selling data to Santa to determine Naughty/Nice list. • Investors in shambles as numbers aren't going up. • OpenAI introduces AI-powered rubber duck trained on millions of rubber duck responses • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • Carnival will be a nice time to decompress, says student planning on staying up for 72 straight hours to build a two story house • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • In catastrophic scheduling snafu, every club at CMU has scheduled a meeting for the exact same time and date; "we really couldn't have predicted this", says student who scheduled a GBM for 5 pm on a Monday. • Professor Iliano Cervesato applies for an RA position in E-Tower following Carnegie Cup Cheating Allegations. • With CMU named as "New Ivy" by Forbes, efforts underway to inflate QPAs and decrease minority enrollment • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • readme too single to have Valentine's Day Edition • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • “I don’t have any finals this semester, just two projects, three papers…” • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • First-year on r/cmu congratulated for having a "pretty fire schedule." • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • In stunning move, Ron DeSantis Promises to Abort Pregnant Mothers • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • A numbered list of my favorite types of bullet points and a bulleted list of my favorite types of numbers. • Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike • Supreme Court overturns Naughty List affirmative action.
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MIDWAY, Pittsburgh — in a chaotic scene, officials from the Pittsburgh Department of Health, Safety, and Tiny Wooden Houses have taken control of Midway following Farnham Jahanian’s decision to shut down Midway. The controversial decision was made following reports of numerous OSHA violations violated during Booth construction. The Spring Carnival …