Readme Gets Absurd

Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • President Jahanian pledges to invade Pitt in State of the University address: "They will greet us as liberators" • Top 10 CMU buildings I'd pick up if I were Godzilla • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Linguists invent new slur for couples • Rabbi hot?! • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Most breakthroughs in modern geology found to just be someone finding a cool rock on their street • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • “I'm such a freak. If anyone saw my search history I’d be on a watchlist,” says man who just looks up vanilla porn • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • NEW RECORD: 3 CMU students manage to have sex over Carnival, allegedly with other humans • November 4th is coming up and it's giving me an election • Mudge Koi Fish never returned new sushi place set to open on Morewood Ave • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual' • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too! • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered • Pope endorses climbing Hamerschlag as only "holy" contraception: "your gametes will be smote by the power of God • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • Hallmark Movie Cityboy Exes Support Group opens doors • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • School of Drama declares succession from Carnegie Mellon, relocating to a place with "fewer nerds" • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • President Jahanian pledges to invade Pitt in State of the University address: "They will greet us as liberators" • Top 10 CMU buildings I'd pick up if I were Godzilla. • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay. • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines. • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Linguists invent new slur for couples. • Rabbi hot?! • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Most breakthroughs in modern geology found to just be someone finding a cool rock on their street • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • “I'm such a freak. If anyone saw my search history I’d be on a watchlist,” says man who just looks up vanilla porn. • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • NEW RECORD: 3 CMU students manage to have sex over Carnival, allegedly with other humans • November 4th is coming up and it's giving me an election. • Mudge Koi Fish never returned new sushi place set to open on Morewood Ave • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual'. • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded. • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too! • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered. • Pope endorses climbing Hamerschlag as only "holy" contraception: "your gametes will be smote by the power of God. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • Hallmark Movie Cityboy Exes Support Group opens doors • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • School of Drama declares succession from Carnegie Mellon, relocating to a place with "fewer nerds" • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War.