Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Broadway to begin recruiting directly from Greek Sing auditions • I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too! • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • CMU students surprised to find out nobody cares how little they slept • Scotty Survivor participants go full Lord of the Flies. Show banned in three states and also Khazakhstan • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • Carnival rides now include the Throngler, the ImpalyStabber, and the Twist • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • Excessive lead found in the food and water of JFC • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • I don't know how to spell Renassance either, French people assure us • My strong opinions on the Syrian Revolution an essay • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • "Exciting new internship abroad!" says ROTC • Year 84 of nobody named Oscar winning an Oscar • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent • Genius CMU undergrad launches "sex-as-a-service" startup • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Programmer forgets to specify; throws a birthday ksh • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Broadway to begin recruiting directly from Greek Sing auditions • I have an opinion on Israel Palestine and you can too! • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • CMU students surprised to find out nobody cares how little they slept • Scotty Survivor participants go full Lord of the Flies. Show banned in three states and also Khazakhstan • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • Carnival rides now include the Throngler, the ImpalyStabber, and the Twist. • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • Excessive lead found in the food and water of JFC • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • I don't know how to spell Renassance either, French people assure us. • My strong opinions on the Syrian Revolution an essay. • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • "Exciting new internship abroad!" says ROTC. • Year 84 of nobody named Oscar winning an Oscar • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • Genius CMU undergrad launches "sex-as-a-service" startup. • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered. • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Programmer forgets to specify; throws a birthday ksh. • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up
![[TODO]](/media/vol2/issue5/images/carng_brxpTvF.png)
In 1967, an offshore platform in the North Sea was seized by a pirate radio operator. This would become the Principality of Sealand, an unrecognized micronation. Recently, CMU's administration was struck with inspiration, and decided to secede from the United States, to form its own micronation.!["Are exams fucking you over? Fuck them back!" [box of Viagra]](/media/vol2/issue7/images/viagraAd_ScdSG7j.png)
