Readme Gets Absurd

How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor­-in­-Chief • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • King Charles III to consider castling • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • I met Santa Claus, she's black • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Breaking news: student from California realizes ash falling from sky is actually snow • How to choose the most poetic sequence of four groups to persecute • Rest in Peace Buddy • Top ten reels from the five hundred that you still haven't responded to • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine • Canadians finally get a Stanley Cup, NHL officials aghast • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Steam tunnels condense into water tunnels • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • SCS opens research problem into computational complexity of hitting N birds with 1 stone • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Entropy sold out on caffeneited drinks, caffeine tablets, coffee­flavored chocolate, and methamphetamine • Rabbi hot?! • Readme and the Tartan officially break up ­ "It’s not you, it’s me" • Scotty dissection reveals eerily human skeleton inside • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science • Gelt still more real than crypto • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • They may take our lives, but they'll NEVER take our US NEWS rankings! • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor­-in­-Chief • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds. • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • King Charles III to consider castling • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video. • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Breaking news: student from California realizes ash falling from sky is actually snow • How to choose the most poetic sequence of four groups to persecute • Rest in Peace Buddy • Top ten reels from the five hundred that you still haven't responded to • Wiegand devoid of O-week food after USAID shuttered. • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine. • Canadians finally get a Stanley Cup, NHL officials aghast • This Article Replaces Your Bioraft Training • Steam tunnels condense into water tunnels • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • SCS opens research problem into computational complexity of hitting N birds with 1 stone • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Entropy sold out on caffeneited drinks, caffeine tablets, coffee­flavored chocolate, and methamphetamine • Rabbi hot?! • Readme and the Tartan officially break up ­ "It’s not you, it’s me" • Scotty dissection reveals eerily human skeleton inside. • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science. • Gelt still more real than crypto. • English department to get $10 million to convince more people to drop out of English • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • They may take our lives, but they'll NEVER take our US NEWS rankings! • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half.