Readme Wins Gold

Meteoric rise in Carnegie Mellon's name recognition: Record-breaking 3% of the population knows what CMU is, up from 1.8% in 2020 • Is giving your students A's in recitation the same as liking their story and hoping they respond? • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • How to send more risqué texts to your 9th grade biology teacher • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” ­ author, on cannibalism • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • I'm not homophobic, I'm just homo-weary • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • "1929 will be my year" ­ says man who invested all his money into Wall Street • Worst performing suicide bomber of 2025 enters second year on job • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • ReadMe bigger than Beatles, says Jesus • New CaPS meeting locations include ledges, bridges, and intersections • Student who once contemplated an evening of self­care and early sleep now facing the consequences of shitty time management • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • Hallmark Movie Cityboy Exes Support Group opens doors • SDC buggy design leaked on War Thunder forum • Math Department discovers non-­Euclidean space in Doherty Hall C­level • Lube offered for Wean holes • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona' • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • In catastrophic scheduling snafu, every club at CMU has scheduled a meeting for the exact same time and date; "we really couldn't have predicted this", says student who scheduled a GBM for 5 pm on a Monday • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • CMU student signs up for Qatar course by mistake, forced to commute 14,000 miles/day • SDC Booth delayed due to noncompliance with city zoning regulations • REPORT: Carnegie Mellon students so afraid of the sun they only go outside during eclipse • Meteoric rise in Carnegie Mellon's name recognition: Record-breaking 3% of the population knows what CMU is, up from 1.8% in 2020. • Is giving your students A's in recitation the same as liking their story and hoping they respond? • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • How to send more risqué texts to your 9th grade biology teacher • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” ­ author, on cannibalism • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • I'm not homophobic, I'm just homo-weary. • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel­-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video. • "1929 will be my year" ­ says man who invested all his money into Wall Street. • Worst performing suicide bomber of 2025 enters second year on job. • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • ReadMe bigger than Beatles, says Jesus. • New CaPS meeting locations include ledges, bridges, and intersections • Student who once contemplated an evening of self­care and early sleep now facing the consequences of shitty time management • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • Hallmark Movie Cityboy Exes Support Group opens doors • SDC buggy design leaked on War Thunder forum. • Math Department discovers non-­Euclidean space in Doherty Hall C­level • Lube offered for Wean holes. • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona'. • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • In catastrophic scheduling snafu, every club at CMU has scheduled a meeting for the exact same time and date; "we really couldn't have predicted this", says student who scheduled a GBM for 5 pm on a Monday. • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • CMU student signs up for Qatar course by mistake, forced to commute 14,000 miles/day • SDC Booth delayed due to noncompliance with city zoning regulations • REPORT: Carnegie Mellon students so afraid of the sun they only go outside during eclipse