Readme Gets Absurd

OpenAI introduces AI-­powered rubber duck trained on millions of rubber duck responses • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Hilbert Hotel relocated to Doherty • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show • Sliced bread invented. Honestly, not that cool • Rabbi hot?! • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • How to not have your self-esteem brought down by all the clearly smarter students in your tour group • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Young men increasingly feeling that having a Borat impression counts as a personality ­ Report • "Sorry guys, I'm actually dead this time." Elvis, 1979 • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • New StuCo 99­042 announced: "What they DON'T Teach You in CMU StuCos" • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Investors in shambles as numbers aren't going up • README's Scottish Terrier Passes Away • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • Victim Escapes Samsara • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • NO EXCEPTIONS. CMU to enforce dismount zones for students in wheelchairs • EMS attempts to tackle STDs, declares immediate victory • Anatomy class adds study inside component • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • OpenAI introduces AI-­powered rubber duck trained on millions of rubber duck responses • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Architectures, Civil Engineers meet to discuss making Carnegie Mellon infrastructure even more unfriendly • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded. • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • Hilbert Hotel relocated to Doherty • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show. • Sliced bread invented. Honestly, not that cool. • Rabbi hot?! • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • How to not have your self-esteem brought down by all the clearly smarter students in your tour group • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Young men increasingly feeling that having a Borat impression counts as a personality ­ Report • "Sorry guys, I'm actually dead this time." Elvis, 1979. • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • New StuCo 99­042 announced: "What they DON'T Teach You in CMU StuCos". • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • Air Force officer gets 15 years for leaking NORAD Santa Tracker • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Investors in shambles as numbers aren't going up. • README's Scottish Terrier Passes Away • The nutritional benefits of eating this newspaper • Victim Escapes Samsara. • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • NO EXCEPTIONS. CMU to enforce dismount zones for students in wheelchairs. • EMS attempts to tackle STDs, declares immediate victory • Anatomy class adds study inside component. • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week