Readme Gets Absurd

TikTok caught selling data to Santa to determine Naughty/Nice list • Prosecutor agrees to downgrade Capital Grains to 1st Degree Grains • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • King Charles III to consider castling • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • Ethics Student a little too aroused by South African history • CMU passes the Bechdel test after Margaret Morrison merger • Lube offered for Wean holes • You could be sledding right now, but you're not • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Victim Escapes Samsara • Seeing Lockheed Martin successes, Al­Qaeda to begin recruiting students on LinkedIn • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics • Robotics students shocked half their projects are just reskinned guns • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Rabbi hot?! • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • Why you should propose to that girl you just met: A dating guide for first­-week students • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • Programmer forgets to specify; throws a birthday ksh • Several students observed staring transfixed at Pausch Bridge's RGB lighting: "If not gaming, why gaming colored?" • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • In devastating blow to CMU culture, freshmen are allowed to talk to upperclassmen • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Reviewing Gary’s neighbor Ted’s fish-grave-sized shovel • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • TikTok caught selling data to Santa to determine Naughty/Nice list. • Prosecutor agrees to downgrade Capital Grains to 1st Degree Grains • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • King Charles III to consider castling • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • Ethics Student a little too aroused by South African history. • CMU passes the Bechdel test after Margaret Morrison merger. • Lube offered for Wean holes. • You could be sledding right now, but you're not. • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • "It's not imposter syndrome, we did admit you as a mistake" admissions office admits • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Victim Escapes Samsara. • Seeing Lockheed Martin successes, Al­Qaeda to begin recruiting students on LinkedIn • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • CMU rules military service ineligible for Experiential Learning. • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics. • Robotics students shocked half their projects are just reskinned guns • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot. • Victorian Child unimpressed by current labor standards, "You can't do anything these days!" • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Rabbi hot?! • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • Why you should propose to that girl you just met: A dating guide for first­-week students • SLICE defends university­-sanctioned orgies • Programmer forgets to specify; throws a birthday ksh. • Several students observed staring transfixed at Pausch Bridge's RGB lighting: "If not gaming, why gaming colored?" • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science. • CMU endorses homelessness as a viable solution to rising competition in on-campus housing • In devastating blow to CMU culture, freshmen are allowed to talk to upperclassmen • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Reviewing Gary’s neighbor Ted’s fish-grave-sized shovel • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • CMU students take pictures of Hunt library light pollution after mistaking it for Aurora Borealis • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks”