Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Post-Gazette editorial board devastated to discover Hitler not endorseable candidate for 2028 • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Santa is proud of you, even if no one else is • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual' • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor-in-Chief • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • I met Santa Claus, she's black • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Hero cop reads corpse Miranda rights • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • Local hero: student finally folds laundry that has been marniating in the bin for the last week • Victim Escapes Samsara • Man-Woman Interaction institute forced to extrapolate from low sample size • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030 • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona' • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot • I'm not homophobic, I'm just homo-weary • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • CMU student signs up for Qatar course by mistake, forced to commute 14,000 miles/day • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas • Student trains for Olympic speedwalking by signing up for class in Mellon Institute • Wave of Freshmen crashes LinkedIn in incident compared to Republican National Convention Grindr incident • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Post-Gazette editorial board devastated to discover Hitler not endorseable candidate for 2028. • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Santa is proud of you, even if no one else is. • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Feeding students Tartan Express tenders considered 'cruel and unusual'. • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor-in-Chief • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Hero cop reads corpse Miranda rights. • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • Local hero: student finally folds laundry that has been marniating in the bin for the last week • Victim Escapes Samsara. • Man-Woman Interaction institute forced to extrapolate from low sample size. • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030. • Student who refuses to pronounce Chinese peoples' names insists it's pronounced 'Barthhhelona'. • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot. • I'm not homophobic, I'm just homo-weary. • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • CMU student signs up for Qatar course by mistake, forced to commute 14,000 miles/day • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • Christmas Wishes Granted: CEO Shot. • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas • Student trains for Olympic speedwalking by signing up for class in Mellon Institute • Wave of Freshmen crashes LinkedIn in incident compared to Republican National Convention Grindr incident. • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • CMU Administration shocked why students are still sad, "We gave you guys a Carnival?" • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool. • Enemy surrenders; no match for roboclub killing machines. • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word
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!["John Biren for President (definitely not Biden we swear)" / "VOTE" / "Remember, age is just a number" [image of Joe Biden in a fake moustache and dark glasses]](/media/vol2/issue0/images/notBidenAd_POM9DU9.png)