Readme Gets Absurd

Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Construction of Roko's Basilisk Pegged to Begin 2026, Per OpenAI, Meta • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded • How to Increase your home's retail value by NOT murdering people in it • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Prosecutor agrees to downgrade Capital Grains to 1st Degree Grains • Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Everyone still remembers that time you pulled several times on a push door. Everyone • CMU to sponsor "Twelve-­Hours-­Straight-­Of-­Drinking" event to get rid of stigma that we are a nerd school • Anatomy class adds study inside component • CMU to sponsor 12-hour continuous drinking challenge • Zeno’s Paradox Reason Why Our Sports Teams Suck • Drinking in Young Adult Duos Study discovers new kind of alcohol poisoning • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • I met Santa Claus, she's black • “I’ve been conducting for 17 years straight now,” says former Eurhythmics student. “I’ve seen God, and she breathes at 62 bpm” • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • The Underground meets newest competitor, the Aboveceiling • How I stopped worrying and learned to love the dorm shower mold • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • A numbered list of my favorite types of bullet points and a bulleted list of my favorite types of numbers • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following record­setting 7 students enrolled • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Construction of Roko's Basilisk Pegged to Begin 2026, Per OpenAI, Meta. • Are you tired of being normal? I'm not, so fuck you! • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline. • It's a Christmas Miracle! Readme disbanded. • How to Increase your home's retail value by NOT murdering people in it. • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Prosecutor agrees to downgrade Capital Grains to 1st Degree Grains • Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Carnegie Mellon color no longer the concept of plaid • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Everyone still remembers that time you pulled several times on a push door. Everyone. • CMU to sponsor "Twelve-­Hours-­Straight-­Of-­Drinking" event to get rid of stigma that we are a nerd school • Anatomy class adds study inside component. • CMU to sponsor 12-hour continuous drinking challenge • Zeno’s Paradox Reason Why Our Sports Teams Suck • Drinking in Young Adult Duos Study discovers new kind of alcohol poisoning • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • Due to overenrollment, CMU to expel losing team of Carnegie Cup immediately • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • “I’ve been conducting for 17 years straight now,” says former Eurhythmics student. “I’ve seen God, and she breathes at 62 bpm” • CS Senior devastated that he must complete Masters to finally fuck computer • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • The Underground meets newest competitor, the Aboveceiling • How I stopped worrying and learned to love the dorm shower mold. • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • A numbered list of my favorite types of bullet points and a bulleted list of my favorite types of numbers. • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • "Surely this one will work," says student on sixth cup of coffee. • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following record­setting 7 students enrolled • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV