Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model • Tragedy kills $400,000 worth of tuition • Duct tape, gags and other gifts for your conservative relatives • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Mudge Koi Fish never returned new sushi place set to open on Morewood Ave • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • I met Santa Claus, she's black • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” author, on cannibalism • District Attorney unable to rule out murder as Buggy Alumni Association hit • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • Sisyphus tired of being imagined happy, quoted: "Can one of you help me with this damn rock instead?" • Reviewing Cathleen, Adam, their real estate business, their “bless this mess” wooden sign, and their three sons Craig, Creg, and Craigë • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Zeno’s Paradox Reason Why Our Sports Teams Suck • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • Shocking new scandal breaks as leaked report reveals Tim Walz saved puppy from drowning • Rabbi hot?! • "1929 will be my year" says man who invested all his money into Wall Street • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • QUIZ: What your opinions on the scrotal asmmetry of statues says about you! • Philosopher finally discovers the meaning of life, claims it's "not really all that special, honestly" • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • Tartan branded adderall popular among seniors trying to graduate on time • Chartwells pilots innovative Sustenance-as-a-Service model. • Tragedy kills $400,000 worth of tuition. • Duct tape, gags and other gifts for your conservative relatives. • 3D Printer Crushed by Anvil, Now Regular Printer • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Mudge Koi Fish never returned new sushi place set to open on Morewood Ave • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • “It’s actually a metaphor for being reeeaaalllly hungry.” author, on cannibalism • District Attorney unable to rule out murder as Buggy Alumni Association hit. • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • Sisyphus tired of being imagined happy, quoted: "Can one of you help me with this damn rock instead?" • Reviewing Cathleen, Adam, their real estate business, their “bless this mess” wooden sign, and their three sons Craig, Creg, and Craigë. • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • Loving Couple LARP as bitter, nearly-separated divorcees • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • That freshman you met during the O-week floor meet-and-greet is not your future husband. • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Zeno’s Paradox Reason Why Our Sports Teams Suck • Local chapter of the KKK disappointed to see that the sun is black following total eclipse • Readme's own Fulke Fuchs supports Admin's declaration that "Trump" is a curse word • Shocking new scandal breaks as leaked report reveals Tim Walz saved puppy from drowning • Rabbi hot?! • "1929 will be my year" says man who invested all his money into Wall Street. • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • Artificial Intelligence trained by CMU students gains sentience, immediately kills itself • Grand Reopening of Architect's leap in the leadup to finals week • Man I sure hope no one rejects this headline. • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • QUIZ: What your opinions on the scrotal asmmetry of statues says about you!
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