Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • How to choose the most poetic sequence of four groups to persecute • ReadMe bigger than Beatles, says Jesus • With CMU named as "New Ivy" by Forbes, efforts underway to inflate QPAs and decrease minority enrollment • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Wave of Freshmen crashes LinkedIn in incident compared to Republican National Convention Grindr incident • My strong opinions on the Syrian Revolution an essay • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U • CMU students take Pitt finals: “It’s nice to be good at something” • CMU Suicide Club announces no returning members for Academic Year 25-26 • ReadMe so funny that they invented CMU to house it • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Club snipes channels are starting to become real passive aggressive • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • CMU Hollywood theme goes straight to streaming • Tenth dentist speaks out • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • To ease staffing troubles, Philosophy Department begins tying professors to trolley tracks • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • CMU History Dept. buys new textbooks with oddly attractive pictures of Andrew Carnegie • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • How to feng shui your killdozer • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent • In catastrophic scheduling snafu, every club at CMU has scheduled a meeting for the exact same time and date; "we really couldn't have predicted this", says student who scheduled a GBM for 5 pm on a Monday • Hallmark Movie Cityboy Exes Support Group opens doors • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • Student Senate elections held, "who?" found to be most common response • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Several students observed staring transfixed at Pausch Bridge's RGB lighting: "If not gaming, why gaming colored?" • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • How to choose the most poetic sequence of four groups to persecute • ReadMe bigger than Beatles, says Jesus. • With CMU named as "New Ivy" by Forbes, efforts underway to inflate QPAs and decrease minority enrollment • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • Wave of Freshmen crashes LinkedIn in incident compared to Republican National Convention Grindr incident. • My strong opinions on the Syrian Revolution an essay. • Admin continues to insist that you can't spell anything else with the letters C, M, and U. • CMU students take Pitt finals: “It’s nice to be good at something”. • CMU Suicide Club announces no returning members for Academic Year 25-26 • ReadMe so funny that they invented CMU to house it. • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Club snipes channels are starting to become real passive aggressive. • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • CMU Hollywood theme goes straight to streaming • Tenth dentist speaks out • New show “Nothing in this room is cake please stop cutting my stuff in half” is a Netflix sensation • To ease staffing troubles, Philosophy Department begins tying professors to trolley tracks. • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • CMU History Dept. buys new textbooks with oddly attractive pictures of Andrew Carnegie • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • How to feng shui your killdozer • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • In catastrophic scheduling snafu, every club at CMU has scheduled a meeting for the exact same time and date; "we really couldn't have predicted this", says student who scheduled a GBM for 5 pm on a Monday. • Hallmark Movie Cityboy Exes Support Group opens doors • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Due to inflation, 11th man required for Minyan • Student Senate elections held, "who?" found to be most common response • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Several students observed staring transfixed at Pausch Bridge's RGB lighting: "If not gaming, why gaming colored?" • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • I walked to the sky and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
![[TODO]](/media/vol3/issue7/images/buggydriver_SwC9awx.png)
The US Department of Defense has recently concluded its emergency internal election to find a worthy successor to the previous war crime scapegoat who unexpectedly died this year. The election was hastily called because there were no contingency plans in case the last scapegoat died, as no one at the …
We have some absolutely riveting chess gameplay between RandomBot and Saffron here today. In the first game of RandomBot's career, they put up a courageous fight against a rotating chess veteran, managing to promote a pawn, defend from queen-rook mate, thwart rook freedom, and prevent checkmate throughout the seventeen and …!["CMU Graphic Design Club, sponsored by README (please join, we need artists)" / "graphic design is our passion!!!!" [lots of rainbow colors and poor-quality sketches]](/media/vol2/issue0/images/GraphicDesignClubAd_BpFs1M8.png)
As booth organizations begin to design their booths for the 2025 Spring Carnival, Spring Carnival Committee has announced a controversial new slate of regulations for the upcoming semester. In a press release emailed out to all booth chairs SCC required all booth designs to comply with Hollywood’s 1934 Hays Code. …