Readme Gets Absurd

"What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • Professor Iliano Cervesato applies for an RA position in E-Tower following Carnegie Cup Cheating Allegations • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is) • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • King Charles III to consider castling • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • President Farnam spotted frequenting Carnival Parties • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool • "See, I told you. I told you so," crows CS professor who refused to use Canvas • Physicists to start dropping large metal balls to see if gravity still exists • Dedicated Gender Studies student finds clitoris, loses track of penis • CMU football wins ten consecutive Heismans, CMU students still not going to games • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • Tripping out in Roberts Engineering Hall • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • Academic Office allows you to superscore GPA and BAC during Carnival only • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Dealing with your CMU-bound teen: "Sorry about your MIT rejection" and other key phrases • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Hillman very angry to discover nobody knows which building is his • "What do you mean they don't know the difference between wet layup and prepreg?" CMU students shocked by lackluster carbon fiber fabrication knowledge of average person. • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • Amid mental health crisis, Google image searches for “scary werewolf” outnumber searches for “silly dog” • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • Studies show you're not being gaslit, you're just genuinely losing it • Professor Iliano Cervesato applies for an RA position in E-Tower following Carnegie Cup Cheating Allegations. • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • How to tell if your lesbian is a reform rabbi (she is). • Scotch 'n Soda coffin appropriated for student school spirit • Report: Voices in your head usually correct, studies show. • Is that Nazi salute or is Elon Musk just happy to see me? • King Charles III to consider castling • Carnegie Mellon administration to consider using Booths as freshman housing for 2025 • Computer Science Department in trouble as rubber ducks go on strike • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • Novel studies demonstrate that drinking water and eating food are good for you, pulling all nighters and shotgunning Celsius are bad. • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • Women breaking glass ceiling suffering head lacerations • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • President Farnam spotted frequenting Carnival Parties • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool. • "See, I told you. I told you so," crows CS professor who refused to use Canvas. • Physicists to start dropping large metal balls to see if gravity still exists. • Dedicated Gender Studies student finds clitoris, loses track of penis • CMU football wins ten consecutive Heismans, CMU students still not going to games. • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • Future generation invents pants that are baggy in six new dimensions • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • Tripping out in Roberts Engineering Hall • OPINION: Are Icebreakers hazing? • REPORT: Tuition increase announced, will to be used for "absolutely nothing", admin says • Academic Office allows you to superscore GPA and BAC during Carnival only • Having a single thought about 15­-122 now considered an AIV • Dealing with your CMU-bound teen: "Sorry about your MIT rejection" and other key phrases. • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • SCS class names shortened to series of grunts and whistles • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Hillman very angry to discover nobody knows which building is his