CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Anatomy class adds study inside component • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • CMU football wins ten consecutive Heismans, CMU students still not going to games • Hillman very angry to discover nobody knows which building is his • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • Drinking in Young Adult Duos Study discovers new kind of alcohol poisoning • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Courses to begin offering bonus points for students willing to let TAs heckle them while they take the exam • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • Rabbi hot?! • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • Coca Cola rebrands to Methamphina Cola, claims no ingredient changes • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot • Finding the best corner to stand in at a crowded party a guide • Wave of Freshmen crashes LinkedIn in incident compared to Republican National Convention Grindr incident • SCC proposes new Booth teardown technique including ramming buggies into them • Pennsylvania state law deems any number greater than 100 “frankly too many” • Scandal as Kermit found in saucy Peppa pics, Ms Piggy exclusive interview! • Gelt still more real than crypto • It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • CMU student lives in a barrel, claims it's better than first year housing • Anatomy class adds study inside component. • Booth Gloryhole Competition Winner Announced • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • Undeterred, Sydney Sweeney stars in new Tide ad explaining the importance in separating whites and coloreds. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • CMU football wins ten consecutive Heismans, CMU students still not going to games. • Hillman very angry to discover nobody knows which building is his • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • Drinking in Young Adult Duos Study discovers new kind of alcohol poisoning • “Surely the balloon animal guy will fix this schools mental health problems” says CMU admin for the fifth time this semester. • “I have no way of knowing”, says person who could very easily look it up • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video. • Man showing off new AI model really wants you to stop asking questions about ethics. • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Courses to begin offering bonus points for students willing to let TAs heckle them while they take the exam. • Professor suspended after CMU student argues "Proof by God" valid Concepts tool. • Congress deems every white male citizen over the age of 80 honorary senator • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • Rabbi hot?! • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • My strong opinions on the Middle East - an essay. • Carnegie Mellon unveils plans to make second, shittier donner • Coca Cola rebrands to Methamphina Cola, claims no ingredient changes. • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot. • Finding the best corner to stand in at a crowded party a guide. • Wave of Freshmen crashes LinkedIn in incident compared to Republican National Convention Grindr incident. • SCC proposes new Booth teardown technique including ramming buggies into them • Pennsylvania state law deems any number greater than 100 “frankly too many” • Scandal as Kermit found in saucy Peppa pics, Ms Piggy exclusive interview! • Gelt still more real than crypto. • It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine. • Oops! All Eugenics! Student accidentally argues for eugenics during ethics class for seventeenth time this week • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row