Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • CMU Qatar Campus sees record low numbers of students celebrating July 4th • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Canadians finally get a Stanley Cup, NHL officials aghast • README's Scottish Terrier Passes Away • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • CMU Physics rises to #1 worldwide following particle accelerator heist • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • Farnam Jahanian declared President for Life by Board of Trustees, immediately begins purges • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children • Bechdel Test added to autograder • Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Two women argue about twins, King Solomon demands both be cut in half • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Santa is proud of you, even if no one else is • My dad got both anthrax and smallpox shots, and they didn't even protect him from the IED • Gelt still more real than crypto • Spinning benches found to be migratory where do they go? • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor-in-Chief • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • They may take our lives, but they'll NEVER take our US NEWS rankings! • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • REPORT: Carnegie Mellon students so afraid of the sun they only go outside during eclipse • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM" • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine • Forbes Avenue crosswalk announcer elated to finally have purpose again • Santa takes unannounced detour, US goes to DEFCON 2 • I met Santa Claus, she's black • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • American Study-Abroad Program expands school shootings worldwide • Buggy steroid use on raceday: an investigation • CMU Qatar Campus sees record low numbers of students celebrating July 4th. • My Professor Had One Comment After Viewing My Final Project: “This Sucks” • Canadians finally get a Stanley Cup, NHL officials aghast • README's Scottish Terrier Passes Away • There is nothing funny about erectile dysfunction • CMU Physics rises to #1 worldwide following particle accelerator heist. • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • 10 ways to avoid getting embroiled in a pedophillia scandal, #6 will shock you! • Farnam Jahanian declared President for Life by Board of Trustees, immediately begins purges • Student discovers 09207 TECH QUANT ANAL not quite what they expected. • Dog doesn't solve relationship, couple moves on to children. • Bechdel Test added to autograder. • Banana shortage has monkeys going bananas • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • Two women argue about twins, King Solomon demands both be cut in half. • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Santa is proud of you, even if no one else is. • My dad got both anthrax and smallpox shots, and they didn't even protect him from the IED • Gelt still more real than crypto. • Spinning benches found to be migratory where do they go? • How to make sure the divorce is YOUR fault, a guide for teens • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • Student amazed by foreign culture after study abroad in Philadelphia • The Tartan purchased by Fox News, Sean Hannity to take over as Editor-in-Chief • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • They may take our lives, but they'll NEVER take our US NEWS rankings! • CMU's Drug Problem: Where are all the drugs? • REPORT: Carnegie Mellon students so afraid of the sun they only go outside during eclipse • Dreamworks newest IP revealed: "How to train your LLM". • CPS intervenes after a drunken Big Pharma beats Little Pharma • You won't remember anything from Carnival anyway, and other reasons why you should text that girl • Complete works of Saphho discovered in a Home Depot • It's not blood libel, it's just a better skin care routine. • Forbes Avenue crosswalk announcer elated to finally have purpose again. • Santa takes unannounced detour, US goes to DEFCON 2. • I met Santa Claus, she's black. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • Wildlife conservation group takes "CMU English Major" off of endangered species list following recordsetting 7 students enrolled • American Study-Abroad Program expands school shootings worldwide.
!["READ ME presents: Tear-Off Universal Final Cheat Sheets™ (Patent Pending) © ®" [a rectangle with 16 pages of illegibly dense text, surrounded by dashed tear lines]](/media/vol2/issue7/images/cheatsheet_raEPrMD.png)
!["Merry Christmas from Meat the Intern!" [Image of Meat lying in a hospital bed covered almost completely in bandages] Speech bubbles above Meat read: "It's me, Meat! I'm doing fine after last week's incident! The FBI is lying to you!" and "I, Meat, make this statement of my own free will*". A note in the corner reads "9 out of 10 doctors declare this man alive."](/media/vol2/issue8/images/meatchristmas_BgTymSk.png)
!["CMU Designs new dating app!" [Image of a white man and an asian woman (promise this is relevant) grinning and pointing to a smartphone] "JOIN NOW if you are: an incredibly attractive Asian woman OR...just a white guy"](/media/vol3/issue3/images/datingapp_wlz641d.png)
![[TODO]](/media/vol4/issue1/images/vampirism_NeB5Hf6.png)
