King Charles III to consider castling • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Intro to Religion Course Deadline Drops; Whole Class Converts to Judiasm • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Carnegie Mellon police to be given tank to deal with unruly freshmen • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • Engineering of murder too well set up; MechE majors absolved • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • This dumbass thinks he can repay all of our sin debt • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Why you should propose to that girl you just met: A dating guide for first-week students • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • Child tries to separate parents to get two Christmases • "Wean Eight-Floor Dash in event of broken elevators" to become Olympic sport • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Excessive lead found in the food and water of JFC • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • The Pitt season 2 production leaves 3 injured, 1 dead • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • What was Copernicus' problem? Well, that man was a Pisces • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030 • In shocking news, 112 grading party turns into a freeforall as TAs fight for last slices of cold pizza • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War • README's Scottish Terrier Passes Away • King Charles III to consider castling • Dennis Prager won’t stop impregnating our country’s petite gay men causing national twink shortage • Intro to Religion Course Deadline Drops; Whole Class Converts to Judiasm. • Women breaking glass ceilings suffer head lacerations • I'm not going to do it, but it would be SO easy to kill my roommate, several report. • My Military Industrial Complex could totally blow up your Military Industrial Complex • Administration to build new Student Academic Failure Center just for you. • What linear algebra can teach you about your parent’s sex lives. • President's Advisory Board on Student Well-Being, Mental Health, and the Academic Experience releases first report: "It's bad." • Carnegie Mellon police to be given tank to deal with unruly freshmen. • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • Engineering of murder too well set up; MechE majors absolved. • Due to overenrollment, CMU to begin holding classes in the steam tunnels • USNews names CMU number 1 school named after Andrew Carnegie and Andrew Mellon for the 125th year in a row • This dumbass thinks he can repay all of our sin debt. • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Why you should propose to that girl you just met: A dating guide for first-week students • CIT student's "new kicks" deemed "too swag" by the administration • Gallo determined responsible for mudslide in rock climbing gym. • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • Child tries to separate parents to get two Christmases • "Wean Eight-Floor Dash in event of broken elevators" to become Olympic sport. • Can President Joe Biden please presidentially pardon my AIV? • Excessive lead found in the food and water of JFC • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Buzzfeed.com: Top 10 Times you looked in the mirror and saw your mother’s face and asked yourself if you’re doomed to repeat your parents mistakes. • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • King Solomon Attempts to divide up twins, mother requests they're both cut in half. • CMU air has "just the right amount" of Radon, administration pinky promises. • Classic 90s songs we've all forgotten: 1. I Just Got An Abortion (And It Felt So Good) • The Pitt season 2 production leaves 3 injured, 1 dead. • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • What was Copernicus' problem? Well, that man was a Pisces. • New Civil Engineering exam includes going inside condemned buildings and trying to make them collapse • i have two calculators in my backpack and im ashamed. • Top scientists suggest ReadMe will generate an original joke by 2030. • In shocking news, 112 grading party turns into a freeforall as TAs fight for last slices of cold pizza • President Jahanian renames Office of Community Responsibility to Department of War. • README's Scottish Terrier Passes Away
!["Can you solve this puzzle? Fill in the blanks and return to the HUB to win a secret prize!" [A copy of the CMU withdrawal form: "Complete this form if you intend to leave Carnegie Mellon with no intention to return."]](/media/vol2/issue7/images/withdrawal_JpsfyiD.png)
