Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot • Local first-year unable to use restroom without the lulling of reels from adjacent stalls • Person who said "Wow, that was easy" after exam stoned to death • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog • Readme: 2.5 years of slur discourse with nothing to show for it • "See, I told you. I told you so," crows CS professor who refused to use Canvas • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • Victim Escapes Samsara • Top 10 CMU buildings I'd pick up if I were Godzilla • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science • README Purchases Scottish Terrier Mascot • "My Cute Next-Door Neighbor Believes in WHAT?": Quirky new meet-cute sitcom coming this summer • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • In shocking news, 112 grading party turns into a freeforall as TAs fight for last slices of cold pizza • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Student’s handwriting so bad they accidentally created a cypher • CMU Qatar Campus sees record low numbers of students celebrating July 4th • CMU passes the Bechdel test after Margaret Morrison merger • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter • Nets placed under Pausch Bridge to remind CMU students that suicide is always an option • Stupid fucking egg sits on wall, rolls off like a little dumbass bitch • Reviewing Craig, Creg, and Craigë’s lacrosse coach Jon, his second cousin Gary, and Gary’s dog Bubbles, fish Buddy, and cat Cat • The existential horror of nap time: A retrospective • CMU student skips Halloween party by dressing as Godot. • Local first-year unable to use restroom without the lulling of reels from adjacent stalls • Person who said "Wow, that was easy" after exam stoned to death • Alumni donations hitting record high, so please stop donating: CMU Finance reports • If you don't read this magazine, we'll shoot this Scotty Dog. • Readme: 2.5 years of slur discourse with nothing to show for it • "See, I told you. I told you so," crows CS professor who refused to use Canvas. • Forbes Avenue Jehova's Witnesses will be performing in Greek Sing 2025 • ReadMe a huge proponent of meth as children's study aid. • Kilties go on strike, now only wear normal hats • Student Senate Elections Board excited to see more students than ever interesting in voting them out • SLICE defends university-sanctioned orgies • Dr. Pepper finally earns medical doctorate from American Health Association • Victim Escapes Samsara. • Top 10 CMU buildings I'd pick up if I were Godzilla. • DeviantArt, Conservapedia, and Other Websites We Don't Know Why We're Tagged In • White boy SHOCKS locals by speaking in fluent Chinese accent. • Parents devastated after conversion therapy causes teen to lose interest in computer science. • README Purchases Scottish Terrier Mascot. • "My Cute Next-Door Neighbor Believes in WHAT?": Quirky new meet-cute sitcom coming this summer. • World Peace finally achieved after man starts Israel-Palestine argument in comments of a cat video. • OPINION: I want everyone to be happy, except my favorite musicians • Internship interviews now include mandatory duel to the death • In shocking news, 112 grading party turns into a freeforall as TAs fight for last slices of cold pizza • China expresses concerns over working conditions in CFA • Andrew Melons? New proof reveals that Andrew Mellon secretly had big naturals • Why the liberal left wants to make the face in the electrical outlets smiley instead of frowny • Student’s handwriting so bad they accidentally created a cypher • CMU Qatar Campus sees record low numbers of students celebrating July 4th. • CMU passes the Bechdel test after Margaret Morrison merger. • "I had no clue he was gay," Leonardo DaVinci's third apprentice twink claims. • CS Students shocked to discover classes have names • A day in the life of Jane Street's unsuccessful younger brother, Sesame. • OPINION: First, it was a Masters. Now, you need a Ph.D. before they let you fuck the computers. • Tucker Carlson finally proposes to Green M&M. • CMU partners with CMR to release 60mph mobility scooter.
Following clues left behind by various escapees of the Doherty C-level, a Carnegie Mellon expedition discovered the corpse of school founder, Andrew Carnegie, in the recesses of the building. The Doherty Basement is one of the few remaining unexplored regions in the United States, and the Civil Engineering Department decided …
