As I enter the cold concrete cervix of Wean,
the gold plaque of Raymond smells my fear.
I order a coffee that’ll make me shit
out all my self loathing and lack of sleep.
I don’t think I’ve retained a thing from this class.
It might be worth risking the …
“The bathrooms are down to your left, past the staircase,” he threw out to no one in particular. His hardened grey face stared, with a thousand-yard stare, into an assortment of broken glass, bent metal, and the vandalized remains of a few abandoned bikes that had been left for far …
As I enter the cold concrete cervix of Wean,
the gold plaque of Raymond smells my fear.
I order a coffee that’ll make me shit
out all my self loathing and lack of sleep.
I don’t think I’ve retained a thing from this class.
It might be worth risking the …
In this course, I (along with my peers) have developed fundamental skills in argumentation—both the synthesis and analysis of argument, and its application in a modern context. In this essay, I have been asked to take a side on one of the most controversial issues in today's America, and to …
It was a normal Thursday night, meaning I had one tequila soda, one IPA, three tequila sodas, and a Celsius. I was walking back to my dorm from Squirrel Hill when a bright light appeared over me. All of a sudden, I found myself falling over. I assumed it was …
As college admissions become more and more competitive, so do the applications for graduate school. So competitive, in fact, that a newborn child was recently spotted being wheeled in a carriage over to their Advanced Statistical Theory II seminar.
Savants are nothing new at CMU, but one-day-old Weiss …
Dear Beloved Reader, Periodically I find myself thinking of you. My horoscopes tell me our stars align. ~ Yours truly, Readme
Dearest Readme, Today I was particularly drawn to your comics section. I have to say, you’re my type(face). ~ Eternally yours, Reader
My Darling Reader, No pressure …
I am a fan of Gates 8. It's high up with a gorgeous view of campus, but not too high. It's quiet, but just noisy enough that you know it's safe. Sometimes I hear a skittering I can't quite place. I study, I play games, sometimes I just read …
Carnegie Mellon University, humble home to a rambunctious fourteen thousand students from across the world, manages a tight ship on its campus. CMU has risen to international acclaim thanks to its remarkable near-abstinence from off-campus travel, partying, and many other plagues of state schools. This abstinence is in no small …
As someone who isn’t Jewish, I have not been involved in the production of the ReadMe Passover Issue. But even if it’s not my place, I would just like to say something. And I swear, it isn’t because it’s written by Jewish people. I have nothing against the Jewish people. …
As you may or may not know, ReadMe has been around since the dawn of time. We’re so old, in fact, that for our first volumes we were called TellMe. We orated about the Big Bang, the age of the dinosaurs, and the evolution of humanity. Once we could write, …
So you met a friend during O-week. They're lively, clever, and excited for their first semester at a top-tier university. But a few weeks into the school year, you'll notice them shying away. They won't seem as alive at parties. They'll sit quietly during board game night while everyone else …
Let it become beknownst to whomstever accused our collective of various “allegations”, that they are all factually incoherent and blatantly untrue. This response will be organized in the following format — an untrue statement made by an adversary, and our rebuttal.
“Readme will be responsible for various cases of …
![[TODO]](/media/vol2/issue7/images/invishomo_6jaxkYP.png)
The only thing starker than my grades is the SCS gender imbalance. Though I am a straight, white male, I feel it is my duty to speak up about this issue. It’s a problem that keeps me up at night, long after I’m finished with my evening meditation and journaling …
It is with a heavy heart that I, Joseph McCathy, admit we have been slighted. We are all the victims of a great and mighty deception perpetuated by 7 members of the ReadMe staff. ReadMe, like many great organizations before it, is infected by the fever known as Communism. This …
Hello readers of this esteemed magazine. I come to you with the TRUTH about Spring Break. I must write quickly before they find me. I’m not supposed to be telling you this…
This semester I enrolled in 15-451, a simple algorithms course to fulfill my SCS requirements. In the …
Dear Professor Choset,
I hope you are having a wonderful day so far. I wanted to inform you of some extenuating circumstances that may delay the submission of my Introduction to Robotics final. You see, Professor Choset, I built the spiffiest little robot anyone’s ever seen. It walked and …
A routine safety inspection of the steam tunnels beneath Carnegie Mellon University went awry when an unexpected wall collapse revealed the heart of a still living ancient empire. When FMS workers attempted to survey the oldest section of CMU’s steam tunnels last Sunday, they accidentally triggered a minor sinkhole. The …
