Paid for by: the Deep State, the Illuminati, and all other shadow organizations. Except Student Senate tho.

Editor-in-Chief: Eshaan Joshi

All the news unfit to print!

Pitch meetings Sat 5:00 pm, DH-1211

Tulip Sondisdik

Staffwriter

Gardening, 2027

Bio

i am flowers

I (tulip) smell nice

10. Bob Ross “Just beat the devil out of it” was NOT about the paintbrush.

9. Thom Yorke He wrote Creep.

8. Ellen She’ll abuse you just like how she abused her staff.

7. Meryl Streep Have you seen The Devil Wears Prada?

6. Michael Cera 😈

5. Stanley Tucci The Italian Stallion.

4. Michelle Obama She’ll ruin you just like she ruined school lunch.

3. Martha Stewart That time in prison changed her.

2. Troye Sivan SUBversive.

1. Me. Hit me up (412-268-2323)