She/her
Staff Writer
ChemE, 2028
Spokane's unfunniest engineer
Definitely knows how to write
The Office of Community Engagement and Leadership Development recently sponsored a kayaking trip on the Allegheny River for incoming freshmen. While it was overall successful (97% retention rate), some students had a bit of a scuffle with some geese while out on the water. Chaperones noted that three or four boats had fallen somewhat behind, and it was unclear what was causing the delay. One junior reported, “I could see the boats rocking back and forth, feathers were flying in the air, and a few minutes later we heard a splash. On the bus back, some of the people from …
As Carnival comes nearer, SCC’s heart has been squarely in the work getting Midway ready for students, alumni, and lost geese to have a fun and safe experience. They’ve been toiling away for weeks, and here at Readme, we forgive them for their foolish tendencies, like their tardiness on literally all of the important deadlines (it’s hard to keep track with the time zones) or their cowardliness in the face of rain. SCC only gets about 17 inches of rain per year, in comparison to Pittsburgh’s 43.
As the building of booths on Midway continued, Readme checked up on …
Where the Wild Things Are: 10/10. This mind-blowing pocket guide, published by Readme itself, assists sun-deprived, fun-deprived, perpetual studiers such as yourself in touching grass around campus. With directions to secret locations, such as “The Cut,” you’ll find yourself getting more Vitamin D this semester than ever before.
This guide includes a detailed map of Doherty Hall, soon to be recognized as a National Endangered Animal Refuge, due to its status as the home of the Doherty Creature. It also has step by step instructions to approaching the Creature without losing limbs, ligaments, or livers. It also provides dozens …
If the news here in the US of A is starting to get to you, don’t fear. CMU has announced two new exchange programs so you can get the hell out of here, at least for a year.
By popular demand, the CMU-CMU program will be opening next year, allowing students to visit Central Martian University, which boasts similarly rigorous coursework, groundbreaking research labs, and even the opportunity to participate in a few research studies yourself. CMU students will be able to participate in many exciting activities on the CMU campus such as sticking electrodes to yourself and letting …