Nott N. Annagramm
it/its
Staffwriter
Fucking with Farnam Jahanian, 2029
Bio
I am a collective hallucination
Fun fact
I was born from a dream Farnam had after eating too much at Schatz
Location
Farnam’s dreams (and yours if you read my articles)
Latest
The Bill of Commandments
Everyone can agree that America is currently in a time of crisis. People refuse to help their neighbors simply because they posted a questionable take on the town Facebook page. Political violence runs rampant — yesterday at the grocery store, a guy flicked off my “Don’t Tread On Me” hat (he apologized, but it was clearly politically motivated based on his painted nails). I believe this slowly mounting civil war is caused by one thing: the separation of church and state. Our founding fathers, while having absolutely no other moral shortcomings, erroneously thought that freedom of religion is one …
It's Gone
2:33 PM
It’s the day before printing. Time to finally write that article the editor-in-chief keeps asking me for. Let me just check the pitch tracker to see what I’m supposed to write about… huh, it’s just a blank spot next to my name. That’s weird. Our secretary’s usually pretty good at his job, and everyone else has a pitch. Oh well, guess I’ll just have to slack off for a couple more hours.
4:09 PM
I messaged the editor-in-chief, and he said I wasn’t writing anything for this issue. I swear I was tagged in the …
Stop Calling Your Parents So Late At Night, You Whiny Little Bitch
It’s the middle of the night and you feel like shit. Maybe it’s 1 a.m., and you just realized there was something due at midnight. Maybe you’re being kept awake by your fifth cold in three weeks. Maybe it just hit that you actually kinda sorta miss home a little. Whatever the circumstance, the sun has set and you feel like the steaming hot pile of garbage outside Donner. Naturally, the best solution is to call your parents, right? WRONG. And if you thought that for even a moment, then the only reason you should be anywhere near CMU is …
Students Rush to Graduate as End of World Looms
DECEMBER 20, 2012 - While CMU students have always tried to graduate in less than 8 semesters, only the quickly approaching demise of all life on Earth could incentivize even the most burnt out underachievers to get their degree before spring. Despite astronomers’ insistence that Sagittarius A* is too far away to cause any gravitational disruptions, professors are still drowning in capstones about how said black hole affects the futures of every single major. “Grading is somehow more repetitive than usual,” states one anonymous TA. “There’s usually some variety, but when we’re all gonna die tomorrow, that’s the only thing …