Gavin Radford
Staffwriter, Lead Gavin, Nutrients
google.com how to spell phziks, MCS '28
Bio
Gavin is a thought-leader, activist, and thingy-maker from San Gabriel, California. He first learned about humor at just ten years old during the 2016 presidential election, and has been in love with Jimmy Fallon ever since. Gavin has written for KQED, Bloomberg World Report, and the Torah.
chillah. creeps, weirdos DNI!! hmu if you want to make an award-winning film franchise ONLY!
Fun Fact
"Yesterday, Tomorrow was Today" - dhub
Previous Work
Tepper Unveils New Hell Campus
“We fought hard to ensure our students a prime location. It’s like a stu-cation! Which is what we’re calling it when one of our students goes to Hell.”
- Dr. S. A. Tan, Office of Tepper Study Abroad Programs
BREAKTHROUGH: Man Crushed by Falling Piano, Killed by Banana Peel
(CMU) - In 1945, one J. Robert Oppenheimer oversaw the first detonation of a nuclear weapon, and for decades thereafter the institution of physical sciences was seen for what it is: a dominant force of the universe surpassing human confines, and one of the great sciences, a real science, ethically questionable and all. But since the end of the Cold War, those glory days have faded, and a once ambitious pursuit has been pacified.
Today, however, there twinkles in the Strontium and Zirconium-95 dust a glimmer of hope that physics may rise from those still-radioactive ashes. That rebirth may begin here, in the Mellon College of Science’s recently established Department of Cartoon Physics.
The Department has already landed itself in hot water following a slew of experiments, including two that tested the resilience of a still-unidentified Allegheny County resident to a Steinway Concert Grand Piano falling from a height of ten meters above his head and, shortly thereafter, that same resident’s coordination when impeded by an old Cavendish banana peel planted underfoot on a linear walking path, which killed him.
According to the University, the Department utilized the most rigorous testing and safety measures currently available and determined that the banana peel posed no harm. “The field just hasn’t reached maturity yet,” said Insects O’Hare, PhD. “We did not think the banana peel could kill the subject, but we also could not have predicted that the subject would slip out of view and into a tower of eighty or so pots and pans, and by that point it was really out of our hands.” The Department is looking to face no repercussions and has been approved for an additional thirty-five million dollar grant from the National Science Foundation.
Many in the scientific community see promise in how quickly the new field has produced interesting results. The brand-new Department has made “enormous strides in a short time,” in the words of U.S. Secretary of Energy Elizabeth Fracking, “and one very big stride, followed by a bunch of little tiptoes.” CMU Cartoon Physics has big plans for the near future, including an attempt to produce three or more Bavarian sausage links from the back pocket of a pair of denim overalls. In partnership with the Department of Mechanical Engineering, they also plan to unveil 24-108: Introduction to Doohickeys and 24-712: Elaborate Gizmos and Contraptions. As for the piano incident, Steinway & Sons declined rEaDME’s request for comment.
