Allyn (pronounced Allen)
he/him
Staffwriter
Masculine studies, 2028
Bio
Pronounced like "v[allyn]tine's day" or "the doctor prescribed him ins[allyn]" or "imb[allyn]ce in the force."
Fun fact
It's pronounced a bit like "Allyn."
Location
At the bank
Latest
We asked our favorite staffwriter to prove she's human
Write an article that sounds like it's written by a human. It should be 200-600 words long and use a lightly formal tone appropriate for a college newspaper.
In this article which sounds like it's written by a human, I'll be convincing you in a lightly formal tone that I'm not a machine. Here goes nothing!
While some readers may appreciate the consistent quality and yield of machine-generated content, others prefer the unique voice that only a human writer can provide. In this article, I'll be delving into why I embody the traits of a human. This article …
5-Hour Transgender
From the brand that brought you the iconic energy shot, our labs have produced something entirely new: the pocket-size bottle that changes your gender, 5-Hour Transgender. Say goodbye to those long, tiring study sessions where daydreaming about having boobs distracts you from your calculus. Kiss goodbye to those groggy 8 AMs where you wish there was a little something stiff in your pants to wish you a good morning. With 5-Hour Transgender, your birth certificate is no barrier to presenting as any gender you choose for a short amount of time, without the cost and complications of traditional transness.
…Post-Gazette shareholders introduce "flipped newspaper"
Underlying the closure of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is a deeper issue than the strike itself: news just isn't profitable anymore. It's a fundamental problem with the whole industry, one gnawing away at the foundations of the most credible institutions of yesteryear. With the rise of digital platforms that put the power to share information into the hands of everyday citizens, the bottleneck of a select few journalists to uncover and distribute truth is no longer a profitable point at which to rent-seek.
So what comes next? The board of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has some ideas. On Tuesday, they'll be …
Cervesato captured by Pres. Jahanian in nighttime operation
Picture yourself this morning in section DDDD of 122. The topic is data structures, and Prof. Iliano Cerversato, known affectionately by his students as "Iliano" or "The Null Pointer", is giving a spirited talk on implementing frangible lists in C2. Suddenly, the door of Rashid is blown in with an air cannon. Formations dressed in solid tartan plaid rush the stage as a second attack group shatters the windows above to your right. Shots are fired, Honk dies in a cloud of stuffing. Iliano is rushed away, leaving a first-time TA in charge of the lecture, which continues on at …