The Wheel and its affects on our children
It’s the latest craze, the vogue, a revolution, and it’s rolling off the shelves. If you’ve lived in ancient society in the last few lunar cycles, you’ve heard of it: the wheel.
The wheel has transformed our world swiftly; be it agriculture, transportation, cheese, or construction, they’ve already become integral to every part of our lives. But people are starting to realize that behind the gleaming facade of the wheel lies a sinister consequence: its effect on our own kids.
“It’s like I don’t even recognize him anymore,” says one anonymous mother. “It used to be ‘Dinner’s ready!’ and he would come running and tell me he loved me. Now, it’s always ‘One more spin, mom!’. Sometimes he doesn’t even respond anymore— he’s just so engrossed in his wheel, he doesn’t even hear me. He’s always on that damn wheel. I’d just snap it in two, if it weren’t so damn expensive.” Kids across the city-state seem to have fallen in love with the wheel. We interviewed one child we found playing with a wheel by the road to find out just what it is about them that drives kids crazy.
“Well, all my friends had one, and they were having so much fun with it,” she said. “So I asked my parents, but they said no. This wheel. It was, uh, just lying here. It’s nobody’s.”
“The wheel is fantastic,” she gushed when asked about just what it was that made it so special. “I love putting it on an axle and spinning it around. It’s like the fidget spinner, but better. Honestly, though, I could just stare at it all day.”
The child’s parents appeared at this point in the interview, and though we didn’t have any questions for them, they did not hesitate to give their opinions.
“It’s my opinion that the wheel is symbolic of everything wrong with kids today,” said the father. “When I was her age, we walked between cities. Took us weeks. I lost years of my life walking places. And now she wants to spend those years doing what? Riding the fuckin’ wheel? Those were some of the best years of my life. Made me who I am today. We used to make pottery with our hands, and if it was misshapen, goddammit, we got better at it. They don’t understand how good they got it. Everything handed to them on a lazy susan.”
“Well, you know, I don’t hate the wheel,” said the mother. “I can see why some people might want the wheel. Just, you know, I don’t want my own daughter on it. Have you heard of driving drunk? Apparently all the young people are doing it these days. And, you know, kids on the wheel are more likely to commit violence. I mean, not trying to say anything about wheel kids. I just don’t want my daughter associating with… those types. You know?”
The verdict is still out on the wheel. Is it a plague upon our children, stealing our future? Is it a benign gift from the gods? What gods do we even believe in here in ancient Mesopotamia? These are the hard hitting questions that only time will tell.