Tongue Wrestler Fights Battle for Dominance
Since the dawn of humankind, the practice of wrestling has been used to determine social pecking orders. Countless fighters, from the Greeks to the Mughals to John Cena, have earned alpha status by turning their opponents into emasculated area rugs. It doesn’t matter whether people wrestle with bodies, arms, or thumbs. All variants of wrestling serve the same purpose: demonstrating the power of one person over another. This age-old purpose is what led to tongue wrestling, the newest frontier of the sport.
Wrestler Youssef Nassar, known professionally as Y/N, has pioneered an entirely new form of wrestling. He credits his inspiration to his favorite non-wrestling pastime, reading fanfiction. He revealed how in describing an intense kiss between two men, one work employed the phrase “their tongues battled for dominance”. He cited this work as his inspiration. “Wrestling is all about dominating the other person. Good wrestlers make sure every part of their body is stronger than their opponent’s, and that should include the tongue. I realized that I needed to train, so nobody could force me into lingual submission.”
Y/N described the turbulent beginnings of his new martial art. “It was hard at first. People didn’t understand the value of tongue wrestling. When I started teaching it to the trainees in my dojo, I got a lot of complaints. Mostly from parents. They didn’t understand the discipline I was instilling in their six-year-olds.”
After receiving harsh criticism and severe legal consequences, Y/N realized that the general public was failing to see his vision. “After I got fired from the dojo, I bought a new house. As I was telling all my neighbors I moved in, one of them seemed interested in my craft. I was happy at first, but then he started talking about ‘sex clubs’ and ‘BDSM’. I was appalled! I said, ‘Listen. I’m not some sort of sex defender. Hell, I’m a sex offender. If you want to cheapen the honorable sport of tongue wrestling with moral depravity, then I’ll take my business elsewhere.’”
All of this begs the question: does tongue wrestling have a future? Y/N admitted that he’s struggling to find a niche it could fill. “I’ve spoken to dental hygienists, speech pathologists, lollipop manufacturers…nobody sees the importance of the discipline.” Sensing the heartbreak in his tone, I humored Y/N by challenging him to a match. As he forced his strong, masculine tongue into my tiny mouth, my ocean-blue orbs closed in ecstasy. Strands of hair tumbled from my messy bun, and my toes curled inside my black Converse shoes. I would go so far as to call Y/N the Harry Styles of tongue wrestling.
However, my arousal was quickly replaced by shame. I had been bested. Dominated. Forced into lingual submission. I needed to prove my strength and earn back my self-respect. I decided at that moment to become Y/N’s apprentice. Since then, I’ve been learning his ways in anticipation of a rematch. The next time our tongues battle for dominance, it’ll be him who gets licked.