CMU student invests in classroom real estate
While most students are worried about saving money for their futures, Tepper student D. R. Hortonne has found a more innovative solution: investing in classroom space. “The economy is rough right now, and I’m not exactly interested in working in fast food, y’know?” said Hortonne in a recent interview. “I thought I should find a smart way to build some equity. I noticed that classrooms at CMU were in high demand, and I thought, woah, jackpot!”
Hortonne began looking into purchasing classrooms in August. They quickly noticed that there was very little competition, as people were accustomed to exchanging classrooms for free. “Apparently there’s this thing called the University Registrar? I don’t really care. Old, outdated systems are mere distractions from true entrepreneurship. I’ve already begun staking my claim on classrooms by placing signs and changing the locks.”
Hortonne believes that demand for classrooms will continue to grow with CMU’s undergraduate enrollment. Commenting on the Jahanian administration’s failure to keep pace with the rapid expansion of the university, Hortonne sees an opportunity to profit: “By getting the classrooms for free—or nearly free— right now, I’ll be able to sell them later at a sizable profit margin.”
Professors at the Tepper School of Business commend Hortonne’s initiative, and some even have suggestions for the student. “They should consider renting out the classrooms they buy, and hiking the rent once residents are already settled,” said Professor Lennar, an expert in real estate. “This brilliant student is already on his way to heading a lucrative private equity firm and securing his wealth for life.”
When reached for comment, Hortonne’s mother, a hedge fund manager and billionaire, credited their success to their entrepreneurial spirit and appetite for risk. “I’ve always taught my children nothing in life comes for free,” she said. “Except, of course, initial capital.”