Auntie Readme: Torn between my situationship and 47 feral hogs
Feeling Hogtied: February is the time for renegotiating leases. And, coincidentally, retreading and regretting my love life. I'm currently living in a two-bedroom with a guy who looks kind of like Timothee Chalamet if he were born and raised in the Texas panhandle. Long story short, we flirted a tiny bit, and he suggested that he was maybe considering possibly buying me flowers at some unspecific point in the future. Didn’t happen. I'm looking to find a new place to live, but all the good stuff got snatched up already. My only other option is a one-bedroom shack at the edge of Schenley Park. Now, this would almost certainly be preferable to awkwardly avoiding eye contact with my situationship every time one of us does the dishes or makes food, but the only hiccup is that I'd be sharing the place with the entire hog population of Carnegie Mellon University. What should I do?
Sincerely, Feeling Hogtied
Auntie Readme: Glad to hear from you, Feeling Hogtied. Sounds like you’ve got quite the conundrum on your hands. Most pig-related species I know are enrolled in some Tepper degree, so I’d imagine the social life would be pretty great. On the other hand, hogs can get pretty loud, which is a pretty sharp contrast to the muffled weeping you probably hear late at night through the walls. I guess the question boils down to this: both situations will be annoying to handle, but only one of them will leave you feeling heartbroken. I’d recommend buying an air freshener for your shack, and maybe an extra big drip pan to catch the inevitable bacon grease.