FAST and RAW Romance Advice
Readers of ReadMe, you know that we’ve always promised you an educational, engaging, and deadly serious article of the highest standards. On this special occasion, we promise no differently. This is all the advice you deserve to handle romance and love in your life.
YOU are failing to communicate. No matter what you try so hard to believe. Your partner is always expressing their purest, free-est self to you and you’re squandering it with your stupid hangups. If it was working out, they would always be happy, because that’s how these things fucking work. It’s because you didn’t understand what they were asking. Or didn’t interpret crystal clear signs. Or didn’t listen nearly enough. You talked too much and you talked too little, and you need to work on it.
It IS personal. Maybe it wasn’t even a miscommunication, huh. You think you’re so smart, going back over every little thing you said and believing that you did okay. I won’t play your game. It’s something about you. Traits. Hobbies. Mannerisms. Beliefs. Something in there is inherently wrong. Your soul is a puzzle piece, and how have you not already spotted how you two are mismatched? You need to change. Bend yourself, break yourself if you must. Your partner is doing you a kindness in pointing out the things about you that aren’t working for them, if they weren’t already too gracious to keep quiet. They’ve made themselves perfect for you. Why aren’t you returning the favor?
The distance between you two is YOUR fault. No one ever has to reconcile overlapping and non-overlapping desires for life. It’s supposed to have fallen into place already. Your partner should always be your absolute number one priority, at the expense of all else. They already have it figured out. They’re doing it right. Spending less than all your time together? Not always feeling a hundred percent of the original spark? You’re not putting in enough. That person is putting their all into the relationship and you’re failing them.
You’re taking TOO MUCH TIME. Stopping for the roses is for the weak-willed and uncommitted. What do you mean, you aren’t seeing them daily? You aren’t flirting with your whole heart? That you haven’t arranged to move in together? That you don’t have their ring finger measured? How could you? How fucking dare you? You only have a few piddly hours of each little day of each of the rest of your years on this earth, and you’re burning them on small talk and nonsense. Don’t you know they’re waiting for you to take the next step, that they’ve been waiting for you for ages already? Go. Go!
Break up already. If you had an ounce of spine, you would have cleaned up your mess already. Now here you are. You’re fucking unsaveable. Whatever you thought you had is nothing, all idle fantasies and daydreams you sing yourself to sleep with.
I’m not sorry. At some point, everyone has to learn that they may not be cut out for love.