With the 2024 US presidential election just weeks away, README is proud to announce that we're officially endorsing a candidate for the first time. It was a tough decision; on one side we have a candidate who did not fall out of a coconut tree, and on the other side, we have the star of the beloved Christmas movie "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York." Despite the strong partisan contenders, we have decided to endorse an independent candidate: our very own Wean Hall.
Wean Hall, built in 1971, is a 9-story brutalist structure just off of the Mall. Its running mate is Doherty Hall, built in a beaux-arts style so long ago that CMU doesn't seem any more certain than "the early 1900's." Doherty Hall is known for being old, confusing, and disorienting, which should be familiar to today's voters. The two have been attached at the hip since Wean Hall was built, so it comes as no surprise that they're sharing the ticket this election.
Wean Hall has promised that it has a "concrete plan", which has been criticized as "full of holes." Some of its policies include a strong pro-immigration stance, "as long as they pay tuition." When asked about the Israel-Palestine conflict, Wean Hall had this to say: "I strongly support the Starbucks boycott. I'm a La Prima kind of building." One policy which even we at Readme struggle to back is its support of increased plastic waste in the ocean. "People say I look like a turtle," a hidden microphone captured Wean Hall saying. "I actually fucking hate turtles."
While Wean Hall is a minor independent candidate at the moment, it's rising in the polls, and will face off against a worthy opponent tonight. A lively discussion is in store for us in a debate with William Henry Harrison, who's back on the Whig ticket. Despite its lack of political experience, Wean Hall has many underground connections, including to Scott, Newell, and Simon.
