10 Reasons readme is better than The Tartan
1) Better at news
Unlike The Tartan, which operates on the ideas that journalism should be "fair" and "unbiased", readme is the only campus news source that includes fun quips interesting comments, and other eccentricities.
2) Better words
Find me a single example of the Tartan using the word "eccentricites". You can't. We're simply better.
3) Lack of a sports section
Considering how much we here at Carnegie Mellon dislike sports, atheltics, and the general existence of nonÂacademic endeavours, readme stays true to the original vision of Carnegie Mellon by ignoring any and all sports news. The Tartan, instead, has a bozo coÂediting the section.
4) We're monetized
While the Tartan has to strugle for advertisements and soliciations, we're one of the hottest advertising commodities on the market. Sure, companies willing to buy space with us are usually shady, but hey, it keeps the lights on and lets me pay for tuition, so it works.
5) We host events
Technically. Well, technically, KGB holds events, and we advertise them. That's because we're cool. And you want to be cool right? Who even reads newspapers anymore.
6) At least half of us are fully illiterate
I barely passed the fourth grade.
7) We're the fastest way to get a criminal record
You tell me how many crimes the Tartan helps you commit. None at all. Buncha nerds. Bet they're fuckin' narcs too.
8) We're not owned by CMU
Unlike the Tartan, which bends to the whims of the talking ghost of Andrew Carnegie, readme only answers to God, the KGB, and whoever is currently funding us.
9) We stop when we're out of ideas
The Tartan has been publishing for a hundred years. Really? How much fucking stuff has happened on campus since 1924? Not enough for a newspaper. readme, on the other hand, stops once we run out of ideas. Like right now. Think I had more of these? Ha.