Paleolithic tribe discovered in ancient Pittsburgh cave system
A routine safety inspection of the steam tunnels beneath Carnegie Mellon University went awry when an unexpected wall collapse revealed the heart of a still living ancient empire. When FMS workers attempted to survey the oldest section of CMU’s steam tunnels last Sunday, they accidentally triggered a minor sinkhole. The workers escaped unharmed; however a large section of wall and flooring collapsed to reveal a previously unknown cave tunnel. The tunnel leads into a complex underground network of passages and natural caverns full of primeval artifacts completely untouched by time. The most shocking part? People were still living there.
Within the cave system lives a perfectly preserved tribe of peoples from the Paleolithic era. Surviving off of a new species of cave fish, natural freshwater springs, and unique farming techniques for cultivating lichen and mushrooms, the tribe has seemingly had little to no interactions with the modern world. It is currently unclear how large the network of caves is or how much of them have been populated by the tribe.
Despite the sea of anthropologists, historians, and sociologists that have swarmed CMU campus, communication has been limited. Attempts at conversation only last a few hours each day due to psychological and medical concerns. Language barriers also complicate interviews with tribe members. In spite of such hurdles, however, analysis of communication between tribe members has revealed an oral tradition that’s been kept alive since the dawn of humanity. The ritual, best translated as “TellMe”, involves the retelling of comedic stories to members to induce laughter. Stories are occasionally complemented with crude cave paintings of the subjects being described. “TellMe” is thought to be an ancient way of spreading news throughout the tribe. Though the full stories are unable to be translated, topics have included mythological creatures, the tribe’s leader, recent unusual events, and often those interviewing them. It’s believed that “TellMe” has a very large religious importance as well. Experts hope that “TellMe” will lead to larger breakthroughs in their attempts to converse with humanity’s past.