Recently, after several visits to the North Korean embassy I am proud to announce that readMe has officially been declared as North Korea’s go to source for American news. As part of this readMe will now be receiving funding straight from the prosperous economy of North Korea. In addition, a new national holiday has been created to celebrate this occasion, where we have been guaranteed that every citizen WILL be joyous. I was informed the military will be working around the clock to enforce the festivities, so I am sure all of the strong and sexy soldiers of North Korea will be a great help.
However, due to reasons I don’t yet understand, it seems the Department of Homeland Security is not permitting me to return back to CMU at this time. Due to this, the article has instead been delivered via defectors from the country(it is air-tagged though so once the article crosses the border we can make sure those defectors come back to their home safely).
Lastly, as part of the agreement with North Korea students at CMU are now being offered the once-in-a-lifetime chance to study abroad in North Korea. More information in the ads section It seems the Department of Homeland Security will be closely monitoring CMU and its students, likely for the sake of preventing attacks on North Korea.
I have Kim Jong-Un quoted as saying, “ReadMe is the greatest fucking newspaper I’ve ever read. I can’t wait for more dope collabs with you capitalist pigs, maybe next our nuclear scientists can do a little trolling”, so it is clear that the ties between CMU and North Korea will remain the strongest in the world.
