Student devises innovative new method to attend early morning lectures
Early morning lecture: a macabre tragedy that befalls many a student. Some force themselves up in the morning and forge their way there. Some simply give up and sleep through it. One enterprising CMU student has managed to do both.
“I have an 8 am,” says sophomore Juan Merower. “The registration process was traumatic, let me tell you. 3:45 pm registration time, and I had to watch as the good slots trickled away, one by one. 2 pm lecture taken at 3:30. The only lecture left was at… 8 am.”
At this point, he started shuddering, and was only able to speak again when prompted about his current methods.
“Oh, yeah. Well, it’s simple: sleepwalking. I’ve always been a person who jerks and kicks a bit in his sleep. So it wasn't much of a leap to sleep-get-out-of-bed, sleep-change, sleep-brush, sleep-piss, sleep-shit (depending on what I ate yesterday), sleep-scooter to lecture, and sleep-take-notes. And sometimes I sleep-hit-up-Redhawk for coffee between 9:50 and 10. I usually set my alarm for around 11, which is after my three morning lectures.
“And I’m trying to extend how long I stay asleep. Eventually, I’m going to get it down just right so I don’t actually have to wake up, until I retire at maybe 65, nice and sleep-settled-down-with-Ms.-Merower-and-the-kids.”