CMU Professor "Math Rizzler" Confuses Everyone with Gen Z Language
The first couple weeks of classes have finished, and rumors have begun to spread. Some complain about classes due to the volume of homework, the high weight of the exams, or the fast speed of the class. One professor, however, takes the cake for the worst rumors spread, and none of the standard complaints apply to him. Despite solely teaching Gen Z students, the self-proclaimed “Math Rizzler” is rumored to give lectures that are so packed with Gen Z language that they are nearly incomprehensible.
Hence I decided to sit in on Professor Rizzler’s 21-267 “Skibidi Differential Equations.” I was pleasantly surprised by how intelligible he was, barring a fair sprinkling of cringe-worthy moments. He began, “What up, my dogs?” He hit the dab. Nobody liked it. “There’s an exam in two weeks, deal with it. Worth 15% of your grade. You lowkey should get grinding if you want to be a differential equations rizzler, am I right?” Silence. “Anyway, let’s pick up where we left off on autonomous differential equations. I gotta activate math mode.” He turned his back to the class, and started making ‘beep boop’ sound effects for a few seconds. When he stopped, he stood perfectly quiet and still. Slowly he approached the board, wrote an equation, and turned to face the class. No more nonsense: he was in math mode. He looked calm and professorial, opened his mouth and said “Let skibidi be sus. Vibe checking this rizzerential equation, bro yeets the skibidi. Then we do be vibin’.” Holy fuck. This guy took Gen Z slang to a new level. It was terrifying. And awesome. “Hence we take the skibidi rizz, not the rizz skibidi, baby shark implicit function. Gyatt.” There were just seven other students attending Rizzler’s class in all of McConomy auditorium. Three were furiously taking notes and three were on their phones not paying attention, or maybe recording the spectacle. But the remaining one. This curious student sat back, relaxed. The professor continued, “Hence the implicit function do be bussin’ no cap, questions?” The one student had the audacity to raise her hand and ask “But to yeet the skibidi, shouldn’t the skibidi rizz be substituted for alpha in the Baby Gronk case? So for Baby Gronk the implicit function do not be bussin’, am I sigma?” Rizzler responded “Hmm . . . Intelligent . . . Bet.” Amazing. She had somehow cracked the code. The student went on saying “Aight imma head out. I gotta go goblin mode on dat skibidi toilet no cap.” After Skibidi Differential Equations class ended with Rizzler beating up a Labubu, as he supposedly does every class to exit math mode, I talked to the student who asked the question (who had just gotten back from the bathroom). I asked her what she thought of Professor Rizzler. She responded “He’s a master. Bro speaks from the heart and griddies on the haters. He may seem highkey cringe to the grademaxxers, but the rizzlers understand. Traditional communication shall not impede mathematical progress. Rizzler is an innovator.” My opinion on Rizzler changed. The student’s argument was convincing. Could it be that Rizzler is just too GOAT-ed for a general audience? Maybe. The student continued, “I’m also his daughter.”