New job opportunities for recent graduates.
Dear Recent Graduates,
Now that we have your attention, have you made your way into the terrifying depths of the real world? Do you long for the days when the biggest fear was looking at your grades instead of making a mistake on your taxes and being arrested? Whether you escaped Pittsburgh or are still creeping around this city like a stalker at parties, you are now officially old and withering away. The sweet embrace of Wean Hall during Carnival season is your highlight of the year, and it’s time to accept that.
You aren’t getting any younger, no matter how much you try to escape the fleeting feeling of loneliness. That one person in your class is now a multibillionaire, while you are stuck working at a weapons manufacturer building the bombs that our government used a week ago. All you can do is sit there and give an update, making the meaningless work you do sound interesting on LinkedIn.
We sympathize with your pain, so we suggest that, as a way to relive the memories of yonder, you should donate to the KGB, so we can have fun in your place. Whether you made fun of the KGB in the past, we do not care; the only thing we care about is having basic amenities like fighter jets and indoor trampoline parks.
While we may not be able to give you a graduation ceremony for you 2020 grads, or give the 2025 grads a connection so they can actually get employed somewhere, we can repeatedly ask for donations. In fact, after you donate online to us, we will remind you of that email and the deadline due next week, free of charge!
Best
The Readme Editorial Committee