In the recent culture war waged by conservatives in the United States of America, a central tenet is as follows: "go woke, go broke"¹. This begets the question, is there any semblance of truth to this claim? We analyzed hundreds of years worth of financial literature as well as statistics, and even ended up interviewing both awake and asleep people to help us answer this very important question. What we found was that people who are awake spend their money on various goods and services², while people who are asleep spend virtually none³ (Or at least the sleeping people we interviewed refused to answer). This is because they are sleeping, and we cannot possibly stress how notably not-awake they are. Literature shows a strong correlation between spending money and declaring financial bankrupcy⁴ (Of course financial fraud exists and you can spend all of your friend’s money if you wanted to, but that does not count as them consciously choosing to gamble their savings away). Hence, we conclude that "going woke" makes one more likely to "go broke".
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1: I’m not racist, but I hate minorities, Tucker Carlson, 2023
2: We made up this thing called money, Su Merriam, 5000 BC
3: Money-spending statistics of REM-stage sleepers, Austin S. Leep, 2018
4: If you spend money the total amount you have goes down, Spendjamin Currencer, 2012
